It's been a long time since I was on here. Since I last posted I have been in hospital for practically a year. 8 months of that on an intensive care unit. Yet throughout that time I never felt as bad as I do now. Yet everyone seems to think I am doing really well. Well I am not. Suicide is on my mind all the time and I plan for February when I am going to do it. I suppose people think I am doing well is because I have been lying to them. Read this for more info and a couple of posts before <edit mod total eclipse deleted link please have links approved before posting it with admin > I suppose they can't really do anything to help if I am not honest. I have told my psychologist in detail the feelings of being suicidal and how I have a plan but I have not told him what the plan is. I am so sick of feeling like this. I don't get any respite from it. I can't do it anymore. I suppose the reason I have come back here is for answers to my questions raised in the above blog so I would be grateful if you read and left a comment as I really don't know what to do.