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It's been a while =O

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Sa Palomera, Mar 11, 2008.

  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    And by a while, I mean quite a long time =O

    it's been 8 months.

    I'm not gonna talk about everything I did wrong back then. I can keep that short and simple. I misbehaved several times, had plenty of warnings, and at some point it just got way out of control, which caused me to get banned.

    Now I'm unbanned. Which I'm very very pleased about. I don't expect everyone to be all happy about 'my return', I'm not delusional. I hurt and/or upset a lot of people with my behaviour back then. And I truly am sorry for that.
    But at least now, 8 months further down the road I know what has caused a lot of my behaviour.

    In the 8 months that I was away, I've been at therapy (still am). 4 days a week throughout the day, group therapy, plus individual therapy, and just recently I've also started individual therapy to learn to control my emotions and deal with my anger.. I guess it's sorta like anger management.
    They've told me what's 'wrong' with me: (the translations might be a bit wrong, I'm not sure of the English terms for everything)
    I've got depression, identity issues, parent-child relationship issues, BPD traits, and they also think I might have ADD/ADHD, which I will see the psychiatrist about next month.
    Also I've been having meetings with my parents and my therapist, to work on our relationship. And we talked about my mother 2 weeks ago, which was good as I finally got a lot of answers about her, which means I am finally able to start grieving properly.

    So all in all, I've changed a lot, and I got to understand my own behaviour better. My anger fits for one, could be due to the BPD. The fact that I was hammered all the time and on drugs, didn't exactly help either, which is one of the reasons why I've cut down on all of that massively. Nowadays I only drink when I'm going out, or at parties and I only do drugs like once or twice a month.

    Anyway, I guess that's what I wanted to say.
  2. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Am happy that your getting some support from here again. Most of us who talk to you can see that you've improved during your time away from SF and during the time you've been going to therapy. You've come a long way. Keep it up. :wink:

  3. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Thankies Viks. I'm glad to hear that my change hasn't gone unnoticed :smile: :hug:
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    EST!!!!! :wootrock: Massive :hug:
  5. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    Hallo thar. Welcome back.:smile:
  6. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    Hey essie,
    Not sure if I should say something, since I kinda fucked up our friendship. But Im really proud, stopped with the drugs and drinking, all the therapy you followed. Im really happy for you, finally got some answers about whats up with you. I guess things will make more sence now for you, at least some do for me. I know how much it ment for you to get answers about your mother. Im so glad for you, you finally got them. I dont know what else to say. Im just really glad and proud, you hang on, youre still here and made such a progress and im really sorry.
  7. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member


    You never fucked up anything, chica!! So no sorries, okay?
    I think I texted you a few times in the past year, and I noticed a missed call from you once.. Do you still have the same email address? I'd love to talk to you on MSN sometime. Don't you think that during my time away from here, I've forgotten about you!! :hug:

    Thanks for being proud of me, it means a lot to me. And yes, things are more clear to me these days, at least I understand where some of my behaviour came from :smile:
    Can I just ask; you say "I guess things will make more sence now for you, at least some do for me.". What things exactly do you mean? Just curious :hug:

    I hope you're doing okay, blubs, I'd really like to catch up some time. :arms:
  8. wb Ishy. :hug:
  9. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Good to see you back around :). Ive been getting snippets of your progress, sounds like you been on quite the journey the last 8 months, learning a lot about yourself, working on the issues in therapy etc. Its great to see, particularly this new communication you have with your father, cutting back on the booze and stuff, its terrific news Est :hug: Good luck with everything :hug: and wb.
  10. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome back Ishy. I'm glad you're here again :hug:
  11. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Thanks y'all :smile: I'm glad to be back

    :hug: Matt, Shadow, Amethyst
  12. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    YAY Ester! So good to see you are doing better. :smile:

    So good to see you again... period!

    Will you be popping your head up in chat once in a while?

    This place was missing a key ingrediant without you :laugh:

  13. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    z0mg EST!!!!! :hug::hug:
  14. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Well well well little miss popular - I told you you'd be welcome back here! :smile:I too have noticed the change in you and you should be so proud of yourself for getting this far, i know we are all proud of you and are prepared to back you for the rest of your journey. It's people like you that make people like me realise that with a bit of faith, a good support system and a lot of hard work things can turn around.

    So it's good to see you back, I wish you all the happiness in the world....and thanks for being my number one fan haha!

    Love 'Shauns' :biggrin:
  15. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Welcome back
  16. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Thank you Sam :smile:

    Omg Jessssssssss :hug: :wink:

    Bobbyman! How have you been? :smile:
    I won't be popping up in chat at all, as I'm under moderation, which means I can't get into chat either, but that doesn't mean we can't be in touch on the forums, eh :wink:

    Aww Shauns, thanks for your lovely words :biggrin: You're absolutely ace!
    But er.. I do expect a free meet & greet if you ever end up performing around here, eh!? :tongue: :hug:

  17. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Yay AwesomEst!!!!!!!!!!!!! :arms: :hug: :dance:
  18. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Tha Raester!!!! Time to party!!! :party: :hug: :hug:
  19. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Ishy!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :arms:
  20. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am glad to hear things are starting to fall in place a little more for you ester. i know the journey has been long and hard. You were headed down such a destructive path you had many of us fearful for you. I hope you will allow us to help you continue forward. take care hun. :hug: