I feel your pain and have had the same thoughts. I also am alone even though I live in a house with 3 other people. I have one friend but he cannot handle my dark thoughts, he has no idea how to react. The only place I can share openly without fear of rejection is here. I hope you expand more on what you are going through, the things that are causing you to feel this way. It helps to talk about it and you can say anything here without fear of rejection although you cannot share actual methods of ending your life. Hugs to you.
Struggling with porn addiction. Doing way better now than in the past but also just wish i was done with it completely. Im like an alcoholic who still takes a mouth full of the weakest stuff he can find just to get a little taste now and then. Any little slip or wayward thought can be incredibly frustrating. The cost of it has been so great. I don't want to dive back into it but if I'm not strong enough to be totally free from it all what's the point in living if I'll end up losing all I care about anyway?
I go to 12 step meetings twice a week . Phone in meetings right now cause of covid. Maybe I should be a little easier on myself. I spent over 20 years programming my brain with addiction. It shouldn't be a surprise it would take a few years to undo all the masks in damage that caused