It's been almost 2 years

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by ~Heather~, Oct 2, 2010.

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  1. ~Heather~

    ~Heather~ Well-Known Member

    Just about 2 years ago, my boyfriend (at the time) raped me (and later cheated on me). When it happened I was really hurt but I thought it hadn't affected me beyond the relationship itself. I initially thought this because I was 17, wasn't a virgin, and because we were in a relationship and it wasn't the first time we had sex. I've realized it still affects me to this day. I often get jealous, worried, and over all feel powerless.

    I currently have a different boyfriend (we've been together for about 1 1/2 years) and we have definitely been doing well. But sometimes I feel that this past occurrence has had an effect on my trust for him as well. I still fear that my current lover is only with me for sex even though he tells me over and over he loves me so much more than that and proves it every day.

    It doesn't help that my father is a cheater. I can't help but think that men are only sex driven beasts that have no respect for their partners.That they'll do what it takes to get what they want and no matter who they hurt it doesn't matter to them.

    I want to understand why the men in my life are so horrible. I want to be able to trust men. And more than anything I want to keep this from ruining my current relationship with the best thing that has ever happened to me! But I just don't know how I can fix this mentality no matter how much I try to tell myself that it is just those few people.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think getting therapy for you will help you trust more and let go of the pain from the past. Therapy is a wy to heal and for you to get new skills on how to cope with everything. Maybe even get couple therapy so both you and partner can work on the problems together so he u nderstands you more take care.
  3. ~Heather~

    ~Heather~ Well-Known Member

    It may sound silly, but I'm afraid of therapy. My mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and was put on several medications that only seem to make her worse. She's still stressed and is losing her hair. I'm not sure if it's helping more than harming. From what I'm told her doctor never TALKS to her really. All of her sessions end with something dealing with her medication. I have little trust for those types of doctors. Unless I'm getting mixed up...

    When I'm better financially I'll surely look into therapy.
    Thank you for the reply ~violet~ <3
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