It's been awhile since I've been here, but, I'm back now.. I've attempted suicide since I've been here, lots happened, but now I'm back at square 1. Just when you think things are starting to get better, they get worse. Ever been so eccentric to the point where oyu hate yourself? Well I'm eccentric, weak, I talk too much, I show my emotions and I"m not able to put up a wall like everyone else..I am going to set up an appointment to see a doctor so I can get some meds because honestly, I hate feeling or thinking about killing myself..My pride wouldn't let me go to the doctor before, but now its getting out of hand. I wish I was dead at this point..I used to be scared of death, but I'm not anymore because I feel like if I were to die, I'd land among the stars.. As selfish people say suicidal people are, they are also selfish because they would rather you stay here with all this emotional pain because THEY would miss you..and I know it sounds harsh, but maybe some people ARE better of DEAD, no one knows what happens in the after life. It probably is 10 times better than this life. so being "better off dead" might be a very true statement.