its been one year since my friend died

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wants2die, Feb 14, 2011.

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  1. wants2die

    wants2die Well-Known Member

    and I still feel horrible about it. In fact I blame myself for his death. maybe a week even less than a week before he died, he was contacting me alot. Unfortunetly I'm a horrible friend and was ignoring him. I'd say once a day he send a text that would say "hey whats up buddy?" or "Doing anything tonight?" and I never responded. It wasn't that I didn't want to hang out or anything but thats my way of saying I don't wanna do anything tonight by not responding. Maybe he tought I hated him? Maybe thats why he killed himself?
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi wants, I'm sorry for your loss.I truly am. But you cannot and must not blame yourself. What he did was his choice, his decision, don't ever blame yourself for others actions. Dead or alive.
  3. Fedupforreal

    Fedupforreal Well-Known Member

    Did you know your friend was suicidal? I don't see anything in those text messages that would indicate that so how could you know? People don't answer cell phones or texts for a number of reasons--having the phone off or charging or just having left the thing at home are very common reasons. No one on earth would read anything into that.

    One thing people do when someone is in a great deal of pain from the guilt they feel when something bad happens is to say you're not at fault. It's like the worst thing you can do is own up to something. If you're guilty, it's far more emotionally and mentally stable to own up to it, but then you realize you didn't do it intentionally or to be mean. Then you resolve yourself to not do that thing again.

    In this case, I'd side with people who say you're not at fault here. I don't see that at all. Did you have any idea this person was so emotionally vulnerable that not responding to a text or two would push them over the edge? Of course not. Some people are just so close to the edge that a light breeze or a banana peel is enough to push them over. What that means is that whatever was going horribly horribly wrong in their life had nothing at all to do with you and was well in the works probably long before the two of you even met.

    I just don't see negligence here, and I'm not all about validating others who desperately need to be told that's "not your fault." Here, that is truly the case. I am sorry for your loss.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry for the loss of your friend it was his pain and sadness that took him away not you hugs
  5. the_only_one

    the_only_one Well-Known Member

    im so sorry:( just remember it wasnt you, i have people whho dont respond to me. he probably had some underlying issues. none of this is your fault
  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I don't think by one message it is your fault,if he messaged you everyday I think that showed he liked your company.Obviously he was hurting as he was for a very long time.
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