It's been over 2 years, now I'm here again.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kapu, Jan 6, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. kapu

    kapu Member

    I originally posted here in 2008, when the idea of suicide was playing around in my head. Now I'm 24. Looking back at that post, I realize that alcohol abuse was a serious problem even back then. I'll just point form what I can tell has me here.

    Relationship - serious relationship just came to an end
    Graduation from university in december- no career goal is evident
    Physical health - recently torn ACL - can't play sports, can't run
    Sexual health - recently diagnosed with genital herpes
    Mental health - currently untreated depression
    Legal - currently being charged with domestic assault, for getting into an argument when heavily intoxicated
    Substance abuse - alcoholic, drinking to excess, loss of control

    All of these have been realized within the last 4 months. I don't know where to turn to, my future goals seem to have been crushed. I just want closure. My career goals and education used to be what would help me collect myself, but with a pending conviction I'll ultimately be unemployable or inadmissible to specialist schools.

    It seems I've lost everything. I suppose I don't want to die, but I think about it all the time. It still scares me. I imagine myself trying to jump from a bridge or loading a handgun and bringing it to my head. I'm terrified. I'm considering entering a hospital and checking in for a while. I can't even find a nice escape... I feel guilty and I'm regretful for the choices I've made over the years that have led me to where I am now. My behaviour is not only self-destructive, it has hurt and disappointed those around me that care about me.

    I'm not even sure why I'm writing here. Should I see a doctor? Should I ask for admittance into a hospital? I'm not prepared to phone a hotline or wait for an appointment for therapy... but I feel that this situation has become urgent.
  2. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Maybe you can view you "failure" as "experience".

    You are wiser and more capable than before,not less.
    You also need to realise that you are someone of value in this world and if you're situation is urgent then you should act and contact someone who can help you.

    Those that care about you,please think about them.

    Please go for help,it is important that the people who love you have you around them and in their lives for as long as naturally possible.
  3. I would suggest that you should get yourself admitted into the hospital as you cannot wait for an appointment to see your therapist. Admittance into the hospital may sound bad but at least it can keep you safe..

    Take care and PLEASE don't harm yourself.
  4. kapu

    kapu Member

    I guess there's no quick fix is there? I'm not quite sure about the hospital. I don't think I could do it. I'll get myself into a walk-in clinic tomorrow and have them assess me or prescribe something in the meantime.

    I was considering doing some backpacking as well, but I feel like this could just enable me to really harm myself. I would be by myself too, which kind of scares me if I get really lonely.

    I feel if I disclose too much information to doctors it will quickly close doors for me. Physician and attorney licensing applications beyond doing criminal record checks also inquire as to any previous admittance to hospitals for mental issues, as well as attendance to substance abuse programs. It's as if seeking help automatically ruins an application to these fields. It's frustrating to say the least and a definite deterrent for me to seek help.
  5. Infortunatus

    Infortunatus Guest

    AA. Do they have those where you live? No records kept of any kind.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.