I originally posted here in 2008, when the idea of suicide was playing around in my head. Now I'm 24. Looking back at that post, I realize that alcohol abuse was a serious problem even back then. I'll just point form what I can tell has me here. Relationship - serious relationship just came to an end Graduation from university in december- no career goal is evident Physical health - recently torn ACL - can't play sports, can't run Sexual health - recently diagnosed with genital herpes Mental health - currently untreated depression Legal - currently being charged with domestic assault, for getting into an argument when heavily intoxicated Substance abuse - alcoholic, drinking to excess, loss of control All of these have been realized within the last 4 months. I don't know where to turn to, my future goals seem to have been crushed. I just want closure. My career goals and education used to be what would help me collect myself, but with a pending conviction I'll ultimately be unemployable or inadmissible to specialist schools. It seems I've lost everything. I suppose I don't want to die, but I think about it all the time. It still scares me. I imagine myself trying to jump from a bridge or loading a handgun and bringing it to my head. I'm terrified. I'm considering entering a hospital and checking in for a while. I can't even find a nice escape... I feel guilty and I'm regretful for the choices I've made over the years that have led me to where I am now. My behaviour is not only self-destructive, it has hurt and disappointed those around me that care about me. I'm not even sure why I'm writing here. Should I see a doctor? Should I ask for admittance into a hospital? I'm not prepared to phone a hotline or wait for an appointment for therapy... but I feel that this situation has become urgent.