It's been so long since I've done this...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Haley-Elizabeth, Sep 2, 2010.

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  1. Haley-Elizabeth

    Haley-Elizabeth Active Member

    Okay, so, I've been here for over four years now, so I guess this is the safest place.

    I've been a cutter on and off for the past eight or so years. I finally thought I kicked the habit, but when my best friend died last December, I relapsed. When I relapsed, I had just began living with my boyfriend of now 11 months. He knew about my problems with cutting, but he still didn't approve. The last time I relapsed was just a couple of months ago. I was wearing my Kiss Army armband to cover it, but he was suspiscious instantly. I managed to put off him seeing under the armband for a while until one day when I was scratching at the cuts under the band he yanked the band off and saw them. That's when he threatened that if I do it again, he could no longer be with me, because he was too frightened he would lose me.

    Well, this morning I was so upset with everything that I got fed up and did it. I couldn't take it. The cuts aren't bad at all, just raised up and red. They could easily be passed off as scratches from our new kitty, but I want soooooo much more now. Yeah, there's a million places on the body to cut and hide, but there's not really a single spot that my boyfriend doesn't see. Hell, we sleep together. I'm just so confused. I'm so miserable and I want this anxiety to go away. I know how to make it go away, but I can't do it without possibly losing my boyfriend.

    What can I do?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey you know what to do you have kept in undercontrol for so long good for you You need to get outside exercise get you mind off it. you need to take a long shower do something nice for you okay listen to up music exercise but get out of that space your in now okay. You can ride it out do it for you and for bf okay be strong
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