I guess i have a drinking problem . i used to drink alot and i had a couple driving while drunk issues with the law many years ago . i got another charge for drinking/driving in june and the following day my girlfriend took her kids and moved out while i was at work . i went gome that night and at ALOT of pills , chased them with alcohol and went to bed . Unfortuantly i awoke in the hospital the following day . Seems i was found early enough a week in the hospital and i was back on my feet .
well i went back to work and got a new girlfriend that just lit up my life .
last week i discovered she couldnt be with me anymore because she had another boyfriend she apparenty loves more than me . so what do i do... i go out and get drunk and get arrested for driving yet again .
so now im alone and ooking at going to jail for a very long time and losing everything i own and have worked for my whole life . Im 34 years old and i dont want to be going on 50 and looking at starting life over from scratch .
I dont want to be a burden on everyone around me because i am not allowed to drive a car and need toted around . i dont want to live with my parents because i lost my house while im in jail and cant pay for it . Ill have shit credit and no job . Ill be alone... no self respecting woman will want anything to do with me .
I can blame nobody but myself . People wont be suprised although only a few members of my immediate family know of my recent arrest .
I already know i want to do this on new years eve . i know how and at what time . Ive put extensive thought into this and im sure its what i need to do . I see i have nothing left to live for . Ive found homes for my pets . that broke my heart and i cried for an afternoon .
I kept waiting for some kind of good Karma or luck to finally come my way . Seems bad things happen to me all the time . Last year i had my thirty thousand dollar motorcycle stolen and no insurance at the time . 3 women this summer i loved and all cheated on me leaving me for another man .
and now this..... I no longer wish to endure anymore . I dont want to give life a chance to test me anymore . ive had all i can take... Life... you win . i surrender . This is not a quick emotional response to somthing . its a thought out and accepted decision .
There are many things i wish i had done but many more im glad i did . I wonder what will happen to my stuff . I adore my motorcycles and dont know what'll come of them . Ilove my dogs like children and hope theyll be healthy and happy in thier new homes . that breaks my heart but i woudnt be abe to be with them if im in jail anyways so i cant win .
Do i want to die ? no , i wish there was another way out . but there isnt . This is it . this is it....
well i went back to work and got a new girlfriend that just lit up my life .
last week i discovered she couldnt be with me anymore because she had another boyfriend she apparenty loves more than me . so what do i do... i go out and get drunk and get arrested for driving yet again .
so now im alone and ooking at going to jail for a very long time and losing everything i own and have worked for my whole life . Im 34 years old and i dont want to be going on 50 and looking at starting life over from scratch .
I dont want to be a burden on everyone around me because i am not allowed to drive a car and need toted around . i dont want to live with my parents because i lost my house while im in jail and cant pay for it . Ill have shit credit and no job . Ill be alone... no self respecting woman will want anything to do with me .
I can blame nobody but myself . People wont be suprised although only a few members of my immediate family know of my recent arrest .
I already know i want to do this on new years eve . i know how and at what time . Ive put extensive thought into this and im sure its what i need to do . I see i have nothing left to live for . Ive found homes for my pets . that broke my heart and i cried for an afternoon .
I kept waiting for some kind of good Karma or luck to finally come my way . Seems bad things happen to me all the time . Last year i had my thirty thousand dollar motorcycle stolen and no insurance at the time . 3 women this summer i loved and all cheated on me leaving me for another man .
and now this..... I no longer wish to endure anymore . I dont want to give life a chance to test me anymore . ive had all i can take... Life... you win . i surrender . This is not a quick emotional response to somthing . its a thought out and accepted decision .
There are many things i wish i had done but many more im glad i did . I wonder what will happen to my stuff . I adore my motorcycles and dont know what'll come of them . Ilove my dogs like children and hope theyll be healthy and happy in thier new homes . that breaks my heart but i woudnt be abe to be with them if im in jail anyways so i cant win .
Do i want to die ? no , i wish there was another way out . but there isnt . This is it . this is it....