its enough

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Ania

Well-Known Member
#41
i told them my name but not my surname or address but i had to tell them which suburb i live in and im scared they trace the call or something. ffs why is this so hard... idk why i bother.
thank you kira for being here. ibe spent the afternoon hiding in the library and im scared to go home in case the cops are there or something. i dont know what im going to do or where ill sleep tonight but ill figure something out

if i speak to anyone at school then they have to tell my mom. they dont need to tell her what we talk about unless im in danger or something. im not sure how it works exactly and there is a little flyer at the councillors office that i took a while ago but i cant remember what it says about it but i know thats why i havent spoken to anyone at school

GP... like house doctor?

i wish i lived anywhere but here :(
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#43
i told them my name but not my surname or address but i had to tell them which suburb i live in and im scared they trace the call or something. ffs why is this so hard... idk why i bother.
thank you kira for being here. ibe spent the afternoon hiding in the library and im scared to go home in case the cops are there or something. i dont know what im going to do or where ill sleep tonight but ill figure something out

if i speak to anyone at school then they have to tell my mom. they dont need to tell her what we talk about unless im in danger or something. im not sure how it works exactly and there is a little flyer at the councillors office that i took a while ago but i cant remember what it says about it but i know thats why i havent spoken to anyone at school

GP... like house doctor?

i wish i lived anywhere but here :(
Yeah, GP is more or less the same as a house doctor.
I don't think they can trace the call from what information you gave, more likely they just wanted to know which suburb for statistical analysis.
Your fear and concerns about what may happen is understandable, but I feel for your safety that perhaps social services may need to be involved. Support for you is needed, doesn't have to necessarily be the orphanage, maybe a short period of respite in foster care as an alternative perhaps. These are just possibilities I'm thinking of, not absolutes. But I feel that you do need some form of professional assistance, so maybe have a chat with the school councillor?
 
#45
Sorry Ania, it looks like my advice didn't work out so well.

I can't guarantee that they wouldn't take you away. I don't think it's likely that they would take you away against your will though.

If they did take you away, it's possible that you could be worse off, but you could also be a lot better off.

I guess if you ever feel like you don't have any place to turn to, you could call the child line again.
 

Ania

Well-Known Member
#46
@Ash600 right now i dont care tbh. i got home and my mom totally freaked out because i didnt make her dinner. she kept yelling at me and telling me that im a useless slut and that i should just join my sister coz it would make her life easier. I fucking hate her and i fucking hate that i was born and i hate that im not dead.

@may71 its okay. its not your fault im a useless piece of shit and im sorry that you wasted your time trying to help

im sorry for every fucking thing that went wrong and im sorry that im not Skye. im sorry
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#47
@Ania , you've got nothing to be sorry for, and you're anything but useless. You're special, you're worth it and that's why we are all here for you.
 
#48
@may71 its okay. its not your fault im a useless piece of shit and im sorry that you wasted your time trying to help
You're not a piece of shit. It wasn't a waste of my time trying to help.

It's ok, and understandable that you're scared about what childline might do.

It's not a waste though. Sometime in the future, you may want to contact them, it's just that you probably don't feel like that right now
 

Ania

Well-Known Member
#49
i know youre all here for me but tbh im sick of this and its not worth trying to fix this shit. im never going to be able to fix this. if i stay im screwed if i leave im screwed if i phone the cops or childline or whoever im screwed. this isnt going to go awya and therees no magic wand thats going to fix it. everytime i try to make things better i only make them worse every fucking time. im sick of being the demon in my house and being the cause of all this shit. she wants me to be everything she thinks she is and she wants me to be Skye. so ill be Skye
 

justrob

Keep on keeping on.
#50
@Ania , your mother is wrong, she is treating poorly and not being a good parent. She has her own issues and dealing with your sister's death also, but that is no excuse for the way she is treating you. You are not the source of the problems, but you are at the center of it. Right now all I can tell you is to keep talking to the people hear, you have understanding and support.
 

justrob

Keep on keeping on.
#52
thats why my Skye did it. i think she was right because at least she is not here for this
I understand what you are saying about Skye.

It sounds like you loved Skye very much.

You are in a bad spot at the moment, but there are a lot of good places with good people on the earth. I really would like you to stay around long enough so you can experience those good things.

I know calling childline was hard and it did not turn out like you expected, but it shows you have strength. Good for you.

How is it for you when you are in school?
 

Ania

Well-Known Member
#53
I keep to myself most of the time, Skye was the social one i guess. its harder now because shes not here and she used to always take me with to talk to her friends.
 

Ania

Well-Known Member
#55
i hava and it doesnt matter. thank you so much ash i cant tell you how much talking to all of you has meant for me
 
#57
if i stay im screwed if i leave im screwed if i phone the cops or childline or whoever im screwed
Things could turn out well if you called childline, it's just that there are no guarantees. Presumably they're there to help and have some competence.

Most likely they would just try to get a social worker involved and work things out with your mom.

It's possible they might want you to leave your mom, but that might also be a good outcome.

If you'd like, I could try emailing childline and ask some general questions about what they do in certain situations.

I could ask

Under what circumstances would a child be required to go into foster care?

Under what circumstances, if any, can a child refuse to go into foster care?

If a child doesn't like a particular foster family, can they get another one?

Can a child get help from childline without risking being required to go into foster care?

...or anything else that you might want to know.

everytime i try to make things better i only make them worse every fucking time
You haven't made things worse. You took a step toward making things better, it's just that you were frightened about the possibility of things going wrong.

im sick of being the demon in my house and being the cause of all this shit
I don't think that you are the cause of problems in your house. It sounds like your mom is trying to make you think that though
 

Ania

Well-Known Member
#59
i dont know what i want to do. half of me wants to just get it over with and half of me doesnt more like 80% to 20 but i guess i have to figure it out. I dont want to ask anyone who knew Skye because i dont want them to know how shitty her life was and i dont want them to think differently of her.

I know that im not okay and that i have to change something and i want to. all of the options everyone is giving are good and i know that you are all trying to help. the problem is that i will have to say why Skye did it and why we were supposed to do it together and i cant do that because i just cant. i guess i just have no options
 

justrob

Keep on keeping on.
#60
I feel bad for you @Ania. You must feel trapped among all the other feelings you have. Focus on the part of you that wants to live. Wanting to live is a good thing.

You are not alone. You have people on SF to talk to and support you.
 
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