Now I finally know... he doesn't love me, and never will. He wants to be friends, but that isn't possible... I can't be just his friend... I can be around him and not hold him, not kiss him, not make love to him... I can't be just his friend... I love him too much! I finally have to give up my pathetic foolish dreams and fantasies! It will never happen. I am alone forever. I will never love another man other than him, and no man will ever love me!! No man will ever make me feel as special and amazing and alive as he did. He is my soulmate, the man of my dreams, and I will love him forever. I never want to allow my heart open again... but then I don't have to worry about that, because Jimmy HAS my heart, it always will... even though he has destroyed it! So my heart will never again be available to anyone else... but that doesn't matter because no one will ever want it! I am meant to be alone forever. I will be miserable and alone forever!! I want to crawl in a hole and never come out! I HATE love!