Its been a long time since I've had thoughts like this. I've never tried anything before, but its a really scary feeling to catch myself thinking about ending it all. I thought I was over these feelings but I guess I'm not. I just don't see a reason for chugging along. I just feel so lonely and alone. What bothers me is BEING ALONE. I'm terrified of it. I have recently come to the realization that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. Its not a fun feeling, but theres no way around it. There is nothing, and no one for me. I'm tired of being taken advantage of, and for people wanting to be around me only when its advantageous for them. I think that I have a lot to offer, but apparently no one else does. It makes more sense to me that I'm wrong and everyone else is right. Its just laws of averages. Why else would I be kept around until its not advantageous for me to be around, then I'm just cast aside. Feeling nothing would be better then feeling worthless. The worst part is that I know that I don't have it all that bad. Lots of people have things a lot worse then I do, and they don't think like this. Again feeling nothing would be much better then knowing I'm a winey, weak person.