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It's getting close now

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by A_pixie, Jan 28, 2008.

  1. A_pixie

    A_pixie Well-Known Member

    Not a day goes by that I don't want to kill myself. I want this hurt to be over. I'm 21 and I hate everything about my life. I lost my job so I'm left to my own thoughts too much. I lost my boyfriend of a year due to a stupid argument. He says he is not in love with me anymore because of a stupid, stupid argument and he is in my opinion, over reacting and not giving me the second chance I deserve. I bought him a £369 guitar because he was feeling depressed one day and now he is selling it! has he no heart?? I worked hard to get him that! If it wasn't for me he wouldn't be in his "oh-so-important" band seeing I bought all of his fucking equipment!!!

    My sister stopped speaking to me and my Dad and we don't know why. She is 16 and stopped talking when she was about 10. Six years of living in the same house and all she does it hurl abuse at me. I'm on suicide watch, my Mum is afraid to leave me on my own because I am so, so broken up about my relationship, and insists I stay in her room, but my sister finds stupid reasons for my Mum to come out of the room. She knows about my self harm and makes fun of me for it, and I believe she keeps trying to take my Mum away from me so that I'll hurt myself. She called my Mum out to make her bed and kept trying to keep her in the room asking silly questions. My Mum shouted "Louise is ill she could kill herself she's so depressed" and my sister said "That's not my problem my bed needs making"


    My boyfriend doesn't know I am so ill, I let him think I'm having a good time so that he will remember the fun me and want me back. I want him to miss me so I won't call him. I will do anything to have him back and he has no idea my life is in his hands. If I can't have him back I simply don't want a life, despite his faults, he was the only thing that made me happy and now he is gone I don't want to live. I don't want my life if it will be without him.

    I nearly popped a vein last week, I cut all the time and will probably get the courage to go all the way, I'm already taking more Prozac than I should and it is such a comfort to think I have these pills that could kill me if I took too many.

    I don't want to die but I can't live without him. It's getting close now, I need help.

    Please respond someone I need help so badly.
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi tinypixie, sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you right now. Give your boyfriend some time. He will probably want to back when he realizes that he's lost a great person. Please stop hurting yourself. This will only make things worse. Your sister is young and she doesn't understand that you're depressed and she is making it worse. I don't think that she's being malicious. Maybe she just wants to spend more time with your mom? We're here to help when you need it.