I am finding it to be harder to pull myself out of this funk. Because when I am in that state of mind I am not afraid to commit. I start thinking about my daughter and my grandaughter that helps to pull me back. I lost control about a week ago and had to get away because the next thing was to do it. I haven't been able to completely snap out of it. I am finding it harder and harder to post on the threads that have helped me to have a voice again. I have three things hanging over my head. My therapist tells me that I am fortune telling. I can't help it. I always think the worst senerio will happen. because of this I haven't been able to completely shake it. Another thing is if they move down here I am afraid because my daughter has lived with me a couple of times and I had to ship her butt back to New York because she kept running away. The town I live in has alot of transients. I was afraid something would happen to her. I am still walking a thin line between living and dieing. I hate who I am! I haven't even come close to having the things out of life that I wanted. It is real simple a woman who would love me like I would love them, to have children (iI got that partially), A desent job, and a home of our own. Crazy to think how old fashion those ideas are. If something happens to the three things hanging over me I will most surely go ahead and follow thru with it. My thoughts are so jumbled up right now that I don't even know if I am making sence. Thanks for the support I have been given here!!:chopper:!!