it's getting harder

the thoughts are getting stronger in my head, how am i ever going to get rid of them? I don't see why i'm still here, why i'm still hoping that something will come along to keep me happy. The thoughts of happiness are gone, everyday i sit and wonder when will be the best day to do it? It's getting worse and worse as the days go on. Today after i went to a funeral and saw all my old classmates, and they didn't seem interested in talking to me, i just couldn't think of anything else, but dieing. During the funeral, i was thinking to myself, how i would have mine planned. It scares me in a way, cause when i was younger, i never thought that this would be a part of my life. I never thought that this was what i would be thinking when i was older. :sad: It's just frustrating, it's getting harder and harder to live. i'm sorry

 

I know what you mean. When I was young, I NEVER would have thought I'd wind up so pathetic and miserable and thinking about suicide. What went wrong?

Its alright, dont be sorry, feel free to talk and vent your frustrations here all you want okay?

 

You have nothing to be sorry for hun. The funeral was a hard thing for you to go to and you made it through. It does bring up those kinds of thoughts sometimes. I had many funerals in this past year as you know, and I thought of those same things several times. Then I remembered that I would really have no say anyway. It is those left behind that make all the decisions. Could I do that to them, knowing what it has done to me? When I am feeling particularly bad, probably. You have come a long way hun. Do you realize it has been almost a year since we first began talking? Many rough spots along the way, but you are still here. Still fighting. That should show you something. You are a wonderful, bright, young woman. I have great respect for what you have accomplished. Take pride in these things. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for being. (I know. I hate that phrase, too. But it is the truth, so I felt the need to say it. ). I think of you often hun. Please take care. Have faith in yourself. :hug: