i don't think i can keep up this act of being ok with people for much longer, everywhere i look the hope that is said to be out there just fades away, its all so blurry now. everyday i tell people i am fine, i am ok but inside my demons are pulling my insides apart, ripping my heart to shreds and messing with my mind. i can't think straight anymore, i can see what needs to be done but i can't make it work, all my energy and will to live is just slipping away minute by minute. i saw a house yesterday, it was nice and i could live there but the rent is too high for my wages yet thats the lowest around, ' you will br ok, you got some savings' is what i hear, but only enough to last a year at most, then i am back to square one again. and if i could make it work, so what! i don't want to live on my own, i can't do that, i don't want to live without my partner but i know by xmas that will be it, over and done with, goodbye andy time. fuck i got a messed up life, always hard. ex wife is bitching every 5 mins about some bullshit thing, just what i need. go ahead bitch, put me in my grave then see how hard it is to get money from me then!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry, needed to vent but this is getting harder and harder and i don't know if i have got the energy to carry on with this, just want to sleep and not wake up.