It's getting to be too much

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WhyMeWhy, Jan 3, 2008.

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  1. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    I live only to serve ppl. Ppl who are ingrates. Ppl who take me for granted. When I'm gone they will be very sorry. Too late motherfuckers! I want to write It's all your fault in my own blood on the living room wall as I die. They drive me crazy & if I leave them I will have no one at all. I currently have no freinds = no life out-side this house. I'm only living for drugs now. I've been taking pills for like 2 weeks straight and am afraid of what will happen when I run out completely, and I'll do my best not to let that happen. I'm wrecked inside & I deserve to be dead. And no one cares. That's the way it feels, anyway. I go out and get the drugs myself. If they only new how it helps maybe they'd help me get some more. But there's an addict who wants them all here. That's no good. I may be an addict because I share then regret it. I need them all. It's what I live for, the high. And right now it's the only thing keeping me alive. I visualize killing me all the time. It'd be so easy. I need the drugs to change my mood/everything is better on them..... I'm quite sure sobriety would drive me over the edge. It's just too much to deal with, & it's only gettin worse. These "ppl" should not treat me the way they do..... but they do anyway, and they will never stop. I'm in true HELL.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    :hug: Sorry it's not the real thing, but best I can do. Please feel better.
  3. ithuriel

    ithuriel Well-Known Member

    i try never to take anyone for granted , especially the poeple who give their time on here to help others:smile:
    i do find it hurts a little when someone says they are going to end it and they vanish from the site:eek:hmy:
    maybe i'm too empathic.
    sometimes , well most of the time , i do not know what i can say to possibly help so i use the emoticons to show how i feel about that person, so to you :smile::hug:
  4. SickOfLife

    SickOfLife Active Member


    I feel exactly the same way as you do. All my life I have put everything into what I do, and get nothing out of it. Seen suffering and pain 24/7 and now I realise enough is enough. People take advantage and exploit you, despite doing so much for them. And then for all your troubles you end up in the worst situations. The world sucks. And I too don't want to be in it anymore.

    I don't know what to do now, apart from end my useless unfulfilling life, because it means nothing. It would bore the forum members if I gave a life story of my suffering at each stage, but this so-called journey sucked, and now I just want to get away from all these people. The problem is such people are everywhere in the world. The only way to escape it is death.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Easing off the drugs would be a good first start. Then you can start living for yourself and not for everybody else.
  6. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    It's quite more complicated than I feel like explaining right now(I'm sober). I only want to die-nothing else. Screw all the ppl who may just blame me & deny that they themselves drove me to my demise. No one will ever understand me anyway.... so why go on living?
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Death will not solve anything. You think things are bad now, but you have no idea what's waiting for you in the astral world.
  8. ithuriel

    ithuriel Well-Known Member

    a peed off elvis :eek:hmy::blink::laugh:
  9. Nocturnal Ponderer

    Nocturnal Ponderer Well-Known Member


    Yes, people will take you for granted. That is a fact of life. However, not everybody will. The beauty of life is that you have the choice who to let in, and who not to let in.

    I have personally cut off 4 or 5 people in 2007. It was my new drive to turn my life around. Although I felt the pinch slightly, (because I didn't have that many to cut off in the first place) I now feel I have a clear road to meet new friends. And I will.

    It is not just you. Everybody feels that people take advantage. Even the ones who take advantage of others fail to see they do, and they also feel like you.

    It is tricky to balance it right, but it can be.

    The paradox is, it is hard to make new friends while you are down about not having any. It seems to make you less able to do it. So, it is about letting go of that fear for a while. Something may just happen, a spark, that will lead onto something else. That in turn may raise your self esteem and so it snowballs. We all go through crisises such as your current one.

    Remember, the people in your life are not forcing you to take drugs and sit around wishing you were dead, you are. Once you are aware that you have allowed yourself to create that, you can change it. It takes a few small steps, but the ball will get rolling. Trust me.

    Let me give you one quick example of how you could implement a small change.
    You go to a dealer for your drugs right?
    Well, has it occured to you that your dealer is taking advantage of you? He is obviously only interested in his own profiteering. He is a perfect example of the type of person you're talking about.
    Now, you go to him of your own free will. Nobody forces you to go.
    Therefore you have the ultimate power in that scenario to ensure that you do not get taken advantage of by being brave, being strong, and coming off the drugs.

    This will make you feel you less abused, by your dealer. This will make you feel you are in control. This will make you feel that you are looking after yourself.

    This will slowly start to pull you out of this awful hell. And this is what I mean by an example of starting with the first step to overcoming things.

    Bottom line, self responsibility.
  10. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    I can't have any freinds right now..... it's not just my state of mind that will drive ppl away, it's literally the ppl that I live with(family) who will not allow it. It's so fucked up that I will kill myself to make them(family) pay. They do not deserve the kindness that I show them, but I have little choice. A group home would be an option of escape, but that is too fucked up. I'm not running from them(family) in fear. I'm facing them & taking their negative directions head on..... no one is winning this war, all I can do is wait for things to change somehow..... or hit the road on my own, leaving with nothing except the clothes on my back. Living the life of a homeless person-but I'm no idiot. I learned that ppl with wrong attitudes must change. It is they(family) who never learned anything of the sort. They think they can just go on using me untill they are done.... they will never be done. Apparently they have endless list of use for me. Well they depend on me too much, & I've stupidly let them into my heart or I would have been gone long ago. It is/was they who foiled my every attempt at destroying myself.... it's all I can do not to keep trying to die. Luckily they let me use drugs because they know it makes me happy. They only want me to be happy so I will stay with them & do all the things I do to help them. They really don't know much about me other than what I let them know because they pay little attn to me most of the time. That is not a healthy family relationship situation for me to be in. Right now, prescription drugs of all kinds are what I live for.... it's definitly not my love for them keeping me alive-my love for them may be dying-IDK anymore, i just don't. The way they are treating me makes me care less & less for them.... my cat-my baby cannot be left w/ these ppl, and I stay for that reason-one of the only reasons I have to live. My cat shows me true that I return thankfully. My cat depends on me, he's not just using me like everyone else is. He's 11 now & I know he won't live forever..... when he goes I truly believe I will have no love in my life. That alone will kill me once & for all. :eek:hmy:
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    If your cat is what keeps you going for now, hold on to that. You do not know what the future holds. You may find things worth living for beyond what you find in your family. Hang in there. :hug:
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