I live only to serve ppl. Ppl who are ingrates. Ppl who take me for granted. When I'm gone they will be very sorry. Too late motherfuckers! I want to write It's all your fault in my own blood on the living room wall as I die. They drive me crazy & if I leave them I will have no one at all. I currently have no freinds = no life out-side this house. I'm only living for drugs now. I've been taking pills for like 2 weeks straight and am afraid of what will happen when I run out completely, and I'll do my best not to let that happen. I'm wrecked inside & I deserve to be dead. And no one cares. That's the way it feels, anyway. I go out and get the drugs myself. If they only new how it helps maybe they'd help me get some more. But there's an addict who wants them all here. That's no good. I may be an addict because I share then regret it. I need them all. It's what I live for, the high. And right now it's the only thing keeping me alive. I visualize killing me all the time. It'd be so easy. I need the drugs to change my mood/everything is better on them..... I'm quite sure sobriety would drive me over the edge. It's just too much to deal with, & it's only gettin worse. These "ppl" should not treat me the way they do..... but they do anyway, and they will never stop. I'm in true HELL.