It's been a long time since I actually felt this bad. I live alone, hours away from the family I desperately need. I have no friends nearby that I can visit. Today I woke up and didn't want to get out of bed. I'm anxious. I'm desperate. I am in love with a man that doesn't deserve this. We're friends now, but I lost him and I believe that was the last straw. Things began getting worse when I had a miscarriage two months ago. I've began thinking about suicide a lot more now, to the point where I've made a list of things I need to take care of before I leave. I have everything going for me - great job, my own house, one more year left for my masters. But I am lonely, and it's getting unbearable. I lost him, the one person that was able to offer me everything I had ever wanted in life. I feel like there really isn't much left to hold on to. This is bad. Really bad. It's like the one thing I desperately want in life keeps eluding me - and that is Love. It's not worth going on without it, right? I mean, I have the love of family, but I want my own. And I lost it yet again. I don't want to go on anymore. I want this to end. It's been months of cyclic depression and I am tired of fighting to live another day.