It's gone

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by $MyName, Dec 11, 2008.

  1. $MyName

    $MyName Well-Known Member

    So I realised today, on the way home, that the little voice in the back of my mind that always used to quietly tell me "you'll bounce back eventually and have an ok life" is completely gone.

    I was sitting on the train, going over some bridges just wishing it'd derail into the water or something. I felt kind of bad because I wouldn't want other people to die with me, but I was just so sick of being alive. I got home, and since that I've felt like crying (I can't though... haven't for so long - I just can't seem too actually cry). I'm actually feeling sick from it - even as I'm typing this I'm getting light-headed too.

    So I think this means it's official, I'm depressed, I'm suicidal, I'm broken hearted, I'm lonely, I'm out of motivation, I'm out of will, I'm out of life, I'm over it.
  2. Milton

    Milton Well-Known Member

    Since depression is cyclical (some days good, some days bad, some days worse) there's a good chance you won't always feel that way and the hope will come back. Was there something that happened today that may have caused the voice to go away? Is there someone, a friend or relative or something, you could talk to? There's always us even if there's nobody else.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Awww, my name...

    I don't know what to say except for I'm here if you need to talk :hug:
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Well, the voice might have gone but that doesn't mean it's gone for good huh.

    Take care.
  5. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Hey, now :mad:

    Maybe the voice is just on vacation.

    Things can always pick back up. In the meantime, you can PM me if you need a chat :hug:

    I don't blame you, though. I know how you feel :sad:
  6. $MyName

    $MyName Well-Known Member

    I think 'the voice' was just what little hope was left in me (mostly subconciously too)... So I effectively I think i'm officially out of hope of getting anything out of life.

    I have no confidence with anything anymore - I used to be full of it in most areas! I have no meaning for life - the one I did have is gone from my mind and hope and I have no motivation since there is no meaning.... This is no way to live.