So I realised today, on the way home, that the little voice in the back of my mind that always used to quietly tell me "you'll bounce back eventually and have an ok life" is completely gone. I was sitting on the train, going over some bridges just wishing it'd derail into the water or something. I felt kind of bad because I wouldn't want other people to die with me, but I was just so sick of being alive. I got home, and since that I've felt like crying (I can't though... haven't for so long - I just can't seem too actually cry). I'm actually feeling sick from it - even as I'm typing this I'm getting light-headed too. So I think this means it's official, I'm depressed, I'm suicidal, I'm broken hearted, I'm lonely, I'm out of motivation, I'm out of will, I'm out of life, I'm over it.