I've seen this all before. I'm at the hating mankind stage now. I remember it. Pathetic. Soon it will be nonchalance. I cut 12 times again tonight. There's blood all over my pants. Next comes resignation and pressure where I can't function and I stop whatever i'm doing. Then comes the plan. It's been nearly a year. Maybe this time I can do it. I don't even want to die. I'm laughing. But I will. I know I will eventually, just like before. It's all happening again. I'm getting drunk now, replacing blood with booze and I love it. There is a respite from the pain. My 'friends' all think i'm turd. They probably got bored with me and thought I was nice and better now. Being at the mankind hating stage if I do die I take joy in seeing them guilty the bastards. How nasty am I? Do I even care anymore. When compared to a nothing can I do damage to anyone? My leg stings and it is the most loving thing I have physically felt in a long time. I've got pills, I could do it right now. I'm scared but my therapist was trying to get me to overcome my fears. Do you think she saw this coming. Maybe she shouldn't have shunted me onto another waiting list. I tried to get a doctors appointment but they made me feel bad at the desk. Like shit. I don't blame them. I have no one now, they're gonig ti find out too late. They won't listen, no one listens. Only two people and they don't want to talk to me anymore. I think i'll hurt again before I wake.