It's happening again :)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by smackh2o, Nov 20, 2007.

  1. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    I've seen this all before. I'm at the hating mankind stage now. I remember it. Pathetic. Soon it will be nonchalance. I cut 12 times again tonight. There's blood all over my pants.
    Next comes resignation and pressure where I can't function and I stop whatever i'm doing. Then comes the plan. It's been nearly a year. Maybe this time I can do it.
    I don't even want to die. I'm laughing. But I will. I know I will eventually, just like before. It's all happening again. I'm getting drunk now, replacing blood with booze and I love it. There is a respite from the pain. My 'friends' all think i'm turd. They probably got bored with me and thought I was nice and better now. Being at the mankind hating stage if I do die I take joy in seeing them guilty the bastards. How nasty am I? Do I even care anymore. When compared to a nothing can I do damage to anyone? My leg stings and it is the most loving thing I have physically felt in a long time. I've got pills, I could do it right now. I'm scared but my therapist was trying to get me to overcome my fears. Do you think she saw this coming. Maybe she shouldn't have shunted me onto another waiting list. I tried to get a doctors appointment but they made me feel bad at the desk. Like shit. I don't blame them. I have no one now, they're gonig ti find out too late. They won't listen, no one listens. Only two people and they don't want to talk to me anymore.
    I think i'll hurt again before I wake.
  2. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    :( :hug: Pete

    You can always talk to me if ya need to chat, or just want a hug :) ...

    Dying isn't the answer, even though it feels it is at the moment - as we all know on here, emotions are very changeable - things will change for the better, with you alive to see it, soon Pete I'm sure..
    We're all here for ya
    Stay safe mate

  3. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    sweetie nobody wants you to die and it isnt the option. you are such a great guy and an awesome friend. im so so sorry things are bad for you at the mo hunny. i really wanna come take u away from all the pain. you are such a special friend - i know you know that. please try and be safe. im not going to turn round and say dont cut cos i know saying that wont change anything or stop you. just please make sure ur safe with it hun - make sure it is clean and dressed.

    pete we all love you so very much. i hope you can get through this.what you did last year was the past and you got through it - you can do it again sweetie.

    dont forget im coming for my hug!! wanna see my peteypoos!

    I am always here for you hunny - you have my number - dont ever be affraid to use it.

    ill see you real soon hunny.

    Love you

    Clare xxx