It's hard for me to be around people

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Mar 31, 2014.

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  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't like to be alone all the time, but sometimes when I'm around people, I have no idea how to act. I tend to get overwhelmed easily, to make sure I'm acting the right way so people won't perceive me as strange or something. Sometimes it's hard for me even to talk to people that I know fairly well, because I'll just get nervous and avoid eye contact. I get annoyed easily when I am out in public, especially around loud, obnoxious, or rude people. It's a bit of sensory overload, I tend to block things out or space out a bit. I'm sure my annoyance can come across in my demeanor or facial expressions, and then people wonder what is wrong with me. Once I went into a crowded store, and had to leave once again when I just couldn't handle being there. In school I was quiet and timid, sometimes not even speaking when spoken to. I would just make some awkward gesture or nod or whatever. I know people thought something was wrong with me, and I'm sure they still do. I get chastised for being too quiet, but then other times I get told to shut up. It's all really confusing and hurtful to me. I don't feel like I fit in, socially and probably in other ways too. Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this, and if so, how do you deal with it?
  2. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    Oh yeah, Witty. I know how you feel. I am so much more comfortable alone. Its like I can really be me when I am by myself. When I am with others I am afraid to be me, that people won't like me, or what I say. I often don't know what to say, or how to act. I come across as socially inept, and really, I am socially inept. Having lived alone for years probably contributes to that. Even at church I feel like a misfit. I leave right after the service, and avoid most other activities there. I have actually been pushed away at the annual rummage sale, because I don't wrap fragile plates the way someone else wants me to. I am very quiet at work, and prefer taking lunch and breaks alone. I also get annoyed easily. People, their loud conversations, overly strong perfume, constant use of smart phones. All annoy me. At work, a really nice young man sits behind me. He plays with Rubic's Cube during his breaks. I get annoyed at the noise it makes. Have to bite my tongue to keep from saying anything. I know how you feel, but don't have any solutions.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Yeah, since I'm alone most of the time, I guess I never really learned how to socialize properly. So I'm sure that's why it's so hard for me now. Sorry that things are hard for you, too. I wish there was an easy solution, but it's hard. Even when I put myself out there and try to socialize, it seems to backfire. Hopefully it will get easier with more practice.
  4. humdrum22

    humdrum22 Member

    I have found out, after a lot of trying really hard to make friends and socialize, that a good majority of people who you tend to meet for the first time in the world face to face tend to be on a scale between complete asshole and thoughtless jerk. I don't think this is their fault, however... I think this is a result of the way we get socialized and the way we grow up and age, and I include myself in this scale. For me, most of my friends in my life have been met either at school or at work -- I think it is the same for everyone -- and this means that you always have a conversation fallback when you socialize together. When you meet people who you don't work with or don't go to school with, though, you are forced to rely on your native social skills, and I think our society does a terrible job of equipping us with these -- mostly, we are a society of self-absorbed drones, more interested in our own problems and in what others can do to help us solve them, in terms of money, power, or friendship. When everyone is like that, it tends to make a pretty shallow social pool.

    I don't think the way you feel around other people is very different from the way they feel socializing, and this is a result of the fact that we are a society of self-obsessed consumers. So, like, you are not alone.
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    OK, a few suggestions, which may or may not be relevant - please disregard if they don't apply:

    Tell yourself: "My worth and value do not lie in other peoples' hands." (Believers have an advantage here, they can tell themselves that, + I place my worth and my value in God's (far more capable!) hands"

    "What other people think of me is none of my business"

    "Everyone here pulls their pants up one leg at a time, just as we all do (you might add..... after a bathroom visit, or whatever)"

    "There's only ever been One Perfect Person who has walked on this earth, everyone else (including all these here) have their flaws, so I don't need to be intimidated by any one."

    "My feelings of 'inadequacy/insecurity/whatever..... are actually just another invitation for me to discover greater insight"
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    what you all write about is so real !!! I do relate to it all. Although oddly sometimes I can feel comfortable being with people. I guess it all comes down to how safe I feel with them. And how good I feel about myself when I am with them.

    I am glad there is a safe place to talk about this. A place where we can voice our pain and people are not trying to fix us.

    Usually I do not even try to be in spaces anymore with people. It usually has the same results. I end up fleeing in horrible pain and huge shame. Which ends up making me feel that much worse about myself. In school I felt I really did not fit in. No matter how hard I tried. Its a pain that only those who live with it can understand.

    Also, I find that I am acutely aware of being ignored when I am in social situations. Its like I do not exist. This happens all too often. And it hurts more than words can say. More salt in the wounds. I am sorry for anyone who experiences this or other similar social pain.

    My teacher explained to me that people energetically pick up on how I feel about myself. And so they respond to that. Either with cruel treatment or avoidance of me. Thanks for the thread Witty. You rock !! :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 3, 2014
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Haha, thanks Flowers. :) I don't think I rock, but you do, and so do lots of others here. :becky: It's good to know I'm not alone in this feeling, so I don't feel like so much of a space alien. :disillusionment: Thanks everyone for your replies, lots of different perspectives and they've all been helpful to me. :)
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    1) you DO rock
    2) to my knowlege you are definitely not a space alien
    3) rock on :D
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Thanks, I'll take that compliment. :p I don't think I'm originally from this planet though. :p
  10. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Perhaps few are originally from this planet. I do not think I am amongst them. I keep trying to phone home but no one answers :flypig:
    Seriously though, I dont think its unusual at all to not be from here. Just my personal opinion
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