I seriously dont know why i am here... maybe because i want to share my pain, i want to leave a trace somewhere...
Life hasnt been easy for me...
I was born from a mother that didnt want me and was too late for abortion.
My father doesnt know i exist and my mom never kept in touch with him so i can never find him (i dont even have a name of a picture).
I was beat up really hard when i was younger by mom and step dad... and they eventually gave me away for adoption when i was 8, without any explanation, just a lady that came to pick me up.
Since i am half asian, i had to suffer from racism in school...
I was sexually abused when i was younger as well.
I did attempt to kill myself multiple times when i was a teenager, and actually had to be brought back and on life support for a week, then coma for a month...
I didnt know what to do, and always wanted to travel, so living in Canada, i went from coast to coast, trying to find an answer to my life... i felt into drugs and partying, and eventually over came that.
I never had a good relationship with my foster parents, and i made terrible mistakes and they also turned their back on me...
Life went on, i met a few girls, fell in love... broke up.... came back up...
Now... almost 2 years ago, i met a girl... my little angel (she has angel wings tatooed in her back)... and it was a fairy tail.
It all ended yesterday... she loves me more than anything... but cant be with me.... the story is a bit longer... but i am totally destroyed... normally i would be able to go on...
But then i learned this week that i have an incurable disease and that i might have cancer as well...
and my foster father's cancer came back as well and they refuse to let me come visit.
I feel like i have failed at life, at the people that tried to take care of me because of all the pains i had.
I have been thinking about dying my whole life, and was able to fight it for the past 10 years...
But i think im giving up on the fight. I have nothing left. No love, no friends ( i moved here for my love), no family, no health...
What do i have left? I am usually a strong person, able to go by anything that life threw at me, always been able to rebound... but this... its too much. I cant keep the temptation away. I want to end, and probably will. Im just waiting a little bit longer before monday... i hope a miracle happens, anything. I cant go to work, i dont have the energy.... but if i dont, i cant keep paying my bills. i have no support left. i am alone... i lost everything that was dear to me and it is now too late for me to fix it, and im not getting any younger...
Life hasnt been easy for me...
I was born from a mother that didnt want me and was too late for abortion.
My father doesnt know i exist and my mom never kept in touch with him so i can never find him (i dont even have a name of a picture).
I was beat up really hard when i was younger by mom and step dad... and they eventually gave me away for adoption when i was 8, without any explanation, just a lady that came to pick me up.
Since i am half asian, i had to suffer from racism in school...
I was sexually abused when i was younger as well.
I did attempt to kill myself multiple times when i was a teenager, and actually had to be brought back and on life support for a week, then coma for a month...
I didnt know what to do, and always wanted to travel, so living in Canada, i went from coast to coast, trying to find an answer to my life... i felt into drugs and partying, and eventually over came that.
I never had a good relationship with my foster parents, and i made terrible mistakes and they also turned their back on me...
Life went on, i met a few girls, fell in love... broke up.... came back up...
Now... almost 2 years ago, i met a girl... my little angel (she has angel wings tatooed in her back)... and it was a fairy tail.
It all ended yesterday... she loves me more than anything... but cant be with me.... the story is a bit longer... but i am totally destroyed... normally i would be able to go on...
But then i learned this week that i have an incurable disease and that i might have cancer as well...
and my foster father's cancer came back as well and they refuse to let me come visit.
I feel like i have failed at life, at the people that tried to take care of me because of all the pains i had.
I have been thinking about dying my whole life, and was able to fight it for the past 10 years...
But i think im giving up on the fight. I have nothing left. No love, no friends ( i moved here for my love), no family, no health...
What do i have left? I am usually a strong person, able to go by anything that life threw at me, always been able to rebound... but this... its too much. I cant keep the temptation away. I want to end, and probably will. Im just waiting a little bit longer before monday... i hope a miracle happens, anything. I cant go to work, i dont have the energy.... but if i dont, i cant keep paying my bills. i have no support left. i am alone... i lost everything that was dear to me and it is now too late for me to fix it, and im not getting any younger...