It's hard. Well, hard doesn't even describe how much it takes to just type something like this out. Words cannot fathom the difficulty I'm having with this, with simple words and text, but I need to put it out on words to make it a reality... if that makes any sense. I met someone when I was younger ( I was 12 he was 7 or 8 years older than I was. From what I can recall.) . Someone who I trusted with my life, someone who was extremely cool and listened to me talk and complain about anything. This someone was a good friend with my mother, but in the end it seemed like he liked my company way more than he liked my moms. After A few months we became close friends. One night in particular he held me down and took advantage of me. ( I sat here staring at the screen for 30 minutes and I honestly can't type that word.) After he was done I told him I wanted to go home and I was crying and I couldn't think straight- All I remember is my voice and feeling physically sick and just repeating I want to go home. He grabbed me by my shoulders and told me he'd take me home if I promised I'd never say anything. He said I was good, that I could keep secrets. But it wasn't just that time, it was several. Just over and over and I can't get it out of my head. My mom still talks to him, he still comes around- Granted he hasn't done anything in the past few years but blatantly flirt with me. That alone is hard to deal with because I can't tell her or anyone. (It took me nearly everything to tell my friend and even then it's limited.) There has been a few other incidents that I don't remember all too clearly, but these with this person have been by far the worst- Which again, the word is too light for this situation, but for lack of other words :\ I keep asking myself if it could have been something I did, maybe I provoked him and I just don't remember. I mean if he got the idea I wanted that I must have done something... I was taught on the firm believe that there are no such thing as bad people, just good people who do questionably bad things. So, this is my fault, isn't it? Sorry if this is so long, just my thoughts aren't exactly in order at the moment, and I'm trying to keep it as clean and as short as I can manage. I think I need to accept it for what it is and get it out there, or I'll end up dying with it.