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It's Hard To Resist

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Keiran, Nov 21, 2010.

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  1. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    I overdosed on some pills around 2AM and waking up at 6AM for school I was very ill. Blurred vision, couldn't walk straight, horrible stomach ache, could barely talk, etc.

    That was a few weeks ago. Today I want to do it again.

    Neither then or now do I totally want to kill myself. Just want stuff to happen to me...I don't know why.

    And I have a friend who I told about it to, and I told her I was sorry and I'd never do anything like that again. But yet it's like I can't hold myself back.

    I'll probably wait till later tonight like last time, but I am pretty sure I want to do it. Maybe my parents will realize this time that I did that to myself.
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    please don't!

    What is your relationship like with your parents?

    If you have good parents, it would be incredibly devastating to them if you killed yourself. For a caring parent, it's by far the most emotionally painful experience to lose a child (they've done studies to confirm that).

    If you have bad parents, that may be part of why you are suicidal in the first place.

    Do you think you could get some therapy? Could you check yourself into the hospital if you feel like you can't stop yourself from taking pills?
  3. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    I have caring parents. Or at least my mom is. My dad is too, but he yells at me all the time. They aren't the cause of this except for maybe the fact that they make me do shit I don't wanna do. Like wrestling, I don't even like it but Im forced to do it.
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    if you can't talk to your parents and the impulses are really bad you have to talk to someone, crisis line, 911, your friend. the most important thing is to reach out for help. can you go to the ER? they will take care of you until you feel better.
  5. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    I want help in a way where my parents would not know. People are telling me to tell my parents but I just can't do it. But I still want to take the pills...badly.
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    please don't do this! can you call a suicide hotline? do you think that you could check yourself into a hospital rather than do this?

    some therapy might help you.

    really, if you have caring parents, this would totally devastate them. I bet your mom especially. Like I said, to lose a child is the worst thing THE WORST THING that can possibly happen to a caring parent. And I think especially to lose a child to suicide. Your mom would probably feel incredible guilt and sorrow for the rest of her life. And might be more likely to commit suicide herself.

    please, please, please, don't do this.

    Ok, so maybe this is a cheesy technique, and it may not work, but if this is an uncontrolable impulse, try just imagining a stop sign whenever you can't stop thinking about it.

    Getting some therapy and maybe some meds sounds like it would be an even better thing.
  7. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I'm actually in the same situation as you. I'd like to get 'help'(so to speak) but I don't want my parents to know. How old are you?

    I rarely ever say anything personal because no one knows how I really feel. I'll probly be in your exact situation in maybe 8 weeks time(that's once the holidays are over and I gotta go back to school...:dry:).

    Anything that's affecting you and making you think this way?
  8. slummy

    slummy Member

    what pills are you taking? how many? Not trying to minimize --- i remember at 13 my first attempt was with some antihistimines and an inch of vodka. I know the intent, the romance with death, is what's important. But if you are not making hardcore attempts, please try to evaluate what's really going on -- what would happen if you quit wrestling? Just f*ck it, dad. O
  9. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    Im 16. And I could do this any day, but one reason I wanna do it now more than later is cause I have practice tomorrow and I would do anything to not have to go to that. Its my week off, I don't wanna have to do that crap. I even said that to my mom but she said I don't do anything else or have a job so I have to.

    Last time I said this it got taken out so idk if it'll let me but I took 5 propoxyphene-apap and they were 100-750mg I believe. I have 6 more so I was thinking of finishing off the bottle tonight. And if yea I know she would prob feel guilt if I did but Id be leaving a note if I did it.
  10. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    What's the practice for?

    I know what it's like to just not wanna do something. And having your parents want you to do it or some crap. Today I 'lied' to my mum and said we had nothing to do at school so I just stayed home. But we actually had an English speech, and I fucking hate that kind of stuff. I'll probly get a 'not rated' for English this year but I couldn't give a fuck.

    Is there any way you could skip it?
  11. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    Sorry, accidentally posted that twice.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 22, 2010
  12. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    Read my earlier post. Wrestling practice. I was into wrestling last year but I don't really wanna do it anymore and im not even good.
  13. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Ooooh ok.

    Are you able to say to your parents that you 'fucking hate it'?(that's how I would say it, lol)

    Could you fake sick? Or something? You should probly just tell them you're not interested in it anymore.
  14. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    I've always felt like saying I fucking hate it, but I don't normally talk to them like that or anything, if thats what your asking. But I'm always saying stuff like "I hate having to do all this" or whatever when my mom mentions that I have wrestling to go to.

    And faking sick never works. But last time I overdosed, my mom took one look at me and I was extremely pale and she said I should to stay home.
  15. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I sometimes overdose to make me feel sick so I'll look it too. I used to take like 10 Ibuprofen/Paracetamols in a go, taken with what ever booze dad wouldn't notice were gone.

    I've been told that it can cause liver damage and stuff, but I'm not entirely aware of the effects of it. And, to tell you the truth, I probly don't really care either. I'm just so sick of everything. I barely have the energy to just sit in this fucking computer chair lol.

    I tend to swear at my parents a lot. But my family's swearing all the time and we don't really give a fuck. It's my way of 'reinforcing' what ever I'm trying to get across. But it tends to just become one massive slur of "fuck..............fuck.............", you get the point :tongue:.

    Could you just say, "I've decided I don't want to do wrestling anymore. Just thought I'd let you know." Because it's not like they can drag you along...you're 16. Not 4 :)
  16. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    May I ask, what effect does alcohol have on ibuprofen? Becuase I've taken 15 ibuprofens before and had no noticable effect.

    About the whole not doing wrestling...idk. Cause I'm always saying "I dont want to do this" blah blah and they just say I dont do anything else or have a job or anything so I have to.
  17. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Ibuprofen is a fairly low impact pain killer as far as I know. The Paracetamol I think has the worst give. The pills are like twice the size of the Ibuprofens and the maximum daily dosage is half of the Ibupro too.

    I only had some low alcohol wine that mum had in the fridge, dad hadn't opened his rum so he would've noticed that the seal was broken. I probly should've tried the Tequila, lol.

    The worst reaction I've had to the Ibupro/Parac was some really sore kidneys, it hurt to walk for a bit. But that cleared up within a day.

    I don't do anything else either! lol. All I do is school and then come home. Maybe sometimes I'll go out and do something with this one friend of mine from primary school but that isn't very often. I'll probly never get a job, as I can barely stand school. I have shit confidence so I barely go out, and I just lack the motivation for 97% of things.

    Are you able to like 'wag' the wrestling this week? Do you just take a bus or walk there? Because you could just skip it and do something else.
  18. Keiran

    Keiran Well-Known Member

    They drive me. Yes theoretically I could get dropped off and then just walk somewhere else, but it's like a 20 min walk back to my house and that is closer than any store or anything around.

    At this point I just wanna do it and be sick for a while and not have to go because I lack motivation for anything anymore. And same, I go to school then go home, and barely ever, but sometimes, I go out with my friend.
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