It's Hell to be Old

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Terry, May 24, 2012.

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  1. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    OLD people have problems that you haven't
    even considered yet!

    An 85-year-old man was requested by his
    Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical
    exam.

    The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take
    this jar home and bring back a semen sample
    tomorrow. '

    The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared
    at the doctor's office and gave him the jar,
    which was as clean and empty as on the
    previous day.

    The doctor asked what happened and the man
    explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried
    with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried
    with my left hand, but still nothing.

    'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with
    her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
    She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
    then with her teeth out, still nothing.

    'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door
    and she tried too, first with both hands, then an
    armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between
    her knees, but still nothing..'

    The doctor was shocked!


    'You asked your neighbour?'

    The old man replied,

    'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
    =
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Several days ago, as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down.
    I was looking for my keys.
    They were not in my pockets.
    A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

    Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.
    Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.

    My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
    My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.
    Her theory is that the car will be stolen.
    As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion.
    Her theory was right.
    The parking lot was empty.

    I immediately called the police.
    I gave them my location, confessed that i had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
    Then I made the most difficult call of all, "honey," I stammered;
    I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

    There was a period of silence.
    I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice. "Idiot", she barked, "I dropped you off!"

    Now it was my time to be silent.
    Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

    She retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."

    Yep it's the golden years.
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said ....... "Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.

    Now ...I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 63-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

    My wife is a very reasonable woman.
    She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house,
    driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.


    Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.
     
  4. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool!
     
  5. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

  6. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Love these Terry!
     
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    lol Terry thanks for the laughs
     
  8. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    :laugh:
     
  9. Noseeum

    Noseeum Member

    LIKE! :applause:
     
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