It's here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheWr0ngChild, Jun 10, 2008.

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  1. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    So far today I have:

    Hurt myself



    Have no memory of the morning and keep thinking it's Saturday

    Woke up every hour last night from nightmares & sweats

    Thought about suicide

    Have vague memory of going to the shop, not clear though.

    Have a sore throat and can't talk

    Pain in my stomach & back

    Now ask yourself WHY anyone SHOULD carry on like this, not wether it's right or wrong. I've been like this for TEN DAYS now and I have at leased another SIX to go before my period comes. There's no point in going to the doctor because I could not take anything anyway, I do not have enough money to pay the prescription charge regularly for an open ended ammount of time.
    I don't even know if I will be able to afford transport for the counselling I sposed to be going to soon, I can't take the bus because I'm too ill to leave the house and walk long distances round lots of people on my own atm.

    I'm set up to fail which ever way I look at it.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You will only fail if you allow yourself to. I am curious as to how you can afford internet access monthly, but cannot afford something that can help you with your medical problems. Maybe it is a sense of priorities? I know how important the internet is, because I would be at a complete loss without it, but if I had to choose between that and feeling better, the choice would be the meds. There has got to be something that can be done. Are there any advocates in your area that can help by making phonecalls and trying to set things up for you? I am not that famialr with how your socialized medicine works, but I do know it can work very well in some things and not so well with others. There has to be a way.
  3. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Being online keeps me away from a whole variety of self harm & suicide methods I'm not allowed to mention here. The cost of it per week is alot lower than the cost of me trapped inside 4 walls not knowing who I am anymore. The internet has helped me regain some of my identity, some of what the pill stole from me 3 years ago.

    I don't think meds are the way out of this because I react to them so adversly. Adding anything to my alreaddy shattered and sick body could just be the push I need, off the edge. I went psychotic on the pill, I am still suffering the side effects 3 years after I stopped taking it, that is how badly medications effect me, Prozac did the same thing. It's trail and error, and the error could cost me my life.
  4. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Well, maybe you wount beliave me but i 100% know what you are going threw.
    Ecsept few things though, i dont have periuds, and i dont cry (i cant cry)
    And for you its 10 days, for me it 3 months and counting.

    I dont know how to deal with that, so there is no advice, i just keep on with it
    for now...

    Anyways, jsut wanted to say, you are not alone
  5. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I agree with Gentle Lady, how can you afford the internet and not a prescription of £7.10/£6.90...for one prescription, most doctors if you have to use to take them regular will give you 28 days in one prescription! I do understand that its give you access to places such as SF, but there are also support networks which are free within the UK....if your not working, you will get your precription free...

    If its trial and error with medications, your doctor will be more then aware of this and will monitor you closely for the first few weeks, unless its similar to an anti-depressant then it will be a few months....

    If you want to be free or for the pain to ease then you have to be willing to give something up so you can improve your life....

    I'm sorry if you feel i'm having a go, it just seems that sometimes people try everything to get a better life, pay a fortune to get a better life, to have a future...and some people don't appear to give up something that could allow them to have a much better future...

    sorry if i've upset you, or said something wrong..but I've noticed that you reply to posts with honesty, with your thoughts, and i'm doing the same.
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