its hopeless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by meh__, May 24, 2007.

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  1. meh__

    meh__ Well-Known Member

    i honestly do feel as if there is no hope for me anymore.. my friends have given up on me and i dont even care.. im secretly glad they left because that way i will not be close to anyone so no one will care when i die. i am dealing with a trauma that i experienced when i was younger but pushed it out of my mind for so long and now that i talk about it to my counsellour and go to group therapy i am forced to deal with it all the time.. i feel so out of control and alone.. i feel as though im on the verge of tears all the time and i know i will kill myself before the end of the summer, i need to visit one last person before i go.. does anyone have any good ways to deal with sh it?
     
  2. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I don't want to ask exactly what happened to you. Go to a support group. There are dozens of twelve step programs and spiritual groups out there. You can share your story and still be anonymous. Remember, you are not alone, as there are thousands of people out there with similar traumatic memories. I have benefitted from these groups trememdously, they've helped me heal and grow, although I still go through desperate times.
     
  3. bEvans

    bEvans Active Member

    you should try medicating with legal OTC or prescription substances, just to hold on while the therapy kicks in.
    OTC would be phenibut, L-theanine, rhodiola rosea, valerian root, saint john's wort
    visit a shrink for prescription, he'll probably give you anxiolytics or SSRI's
     
  4. gitana

    gitana SF Friend & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    I know right now, meh, that it feels very hopeless and no hope for you. I am here to tell you there is. Because I have been there many times and still working or trying to work on shit.. My friends gave up on me too.. and yeah.. I was glad so I could feel more release to do whatever and I didn't care. And, of course, pushing, people away, so don't have to be close to anybody anymore.. yeah.. however people don't get up.. our close friends, family, and life goes on.. and we are in such pain, we lose hope. It is extremely hopeless.. and how does one get past that and why does one care? What is the point?

    It is called disassoication, I believe.. as I have done the same thing too.. and I am now dealing with, trying to deal with traumas I experienced when younger too.. It isn't easy.. it won't be easy at all. it is painful, difficult to deal with.. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I am glad you are here.. you are not alone. We are good at surviving as we pushed it out of our mind and maybe tried to go on with our life.. however, it holds us back.. To get healing, as difficult as it is, one need to walk through the pain to get to the other side. I took a grief recovery class once, and was told go through the pain now, (which I didn't.. thought I could handle it on my own, I felt strong enough too) and work through it or deal with it much later, when it catches up with one.. not easy.. one way or another... one has to to eventually deal with the pain and go through it.. it catches up with you.. sorry, forget the rest of the sentence at the moment.. but it never goes away unfortunately.

    It may seem that you feel out of control and all alone.. Is group therapy helping you? Do you feel any support from people there and what about your counselor.. is he/she supportive? Do you have a safety plan in place? I have been there and am there. I understand.

    I am glad that you are here. You are NOT alone here. We understand and I have been through much trauma in my life.

    Unfortunately, as much as we want a good idea to get through all this and not face the pain, there aren't any other answers.. There are no quick fixes to get through it.. Are you on meds to help you through this? I wish there was a quick fix or a magic pill and make it go away.. The best thing is that you are here.. and the other thing is talk to us.. lean on us.. when you hurt so deeply and feel can't make it another day.. or talk to anybody you feel yoiu can trust here.. it doesn't have to be about what you are dealing with unless you feel comfortable and trust.. just know that many of us are here because we wouldn't be if we weren't dealing with the same thing... traumas in our life. Extreme pain in our life.. feeling suicidal and wanting to give up.. feeling hopeless too... you are not ever alone. Allow us to walk with you through your pain.. to help you. Don't shut us out and please don't push us away.. I am really stubborn.. If only our friends would see that.. and be there for us but they have no clue, however, if you did something to yourself, speaking from experience, family and friends, would always blame themselves.. think why didn't they see it coming.. I am not laying a guilt trip on you.. this is not about that.. sharing my experience... since had much lost in my life, 9 were suicides, close friends, and family, and accidents, illness, etc. no matter what the age..

    Please keep talking to us okay? I care. There is no easy way to tell you how to get through what you are dealing with, except having support in your life, a good counselor, you know we care about you here.. and supportive of you.. and we understand.. Sorry, if I rambled on too much.. I am really concerned about you.. Lean on us...

    Feel free to PM me anytime if you would like and need someone to talk to..
    Keep hanging in there! Please don't give up! Do you have anything you would like to do, something you think may be? Although, you feel hopeless right now.. I thought I would ask if you did.. We are here for you.. don't forget that.. If I hadn't found SF when I did, I am here to tell you, I wouldn't be here for sure to tell you... Keep trying to hang in there..

    Love

    Gitana/Tracie
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It sounds to me as if you are in the throes of the healing process. For you to work through the issues that plague you, you have to relive them, let your mind process what happened to you, and desensitize to it. It is a very difficult process and seems as if things are getting worse. In my experience, they get worse before they get better. You need to give them the time to get better. You pushed it away for a very long time. I understand that as I did the same thing and am in the process I described to you. Some days I am sure there is no way I can continue on. It is too much. Too overwhelming. These are the times I know I need to lean on friends. SF provides that avenue. People here are willing to listen and walk beside you as you go through this difficult process. Please don't give in. You will get through with time, patience, and a lot of hard work. Take care. :hug:
     
  6. meh__

    meh__ Well-Known Member

    bEvans- i am currently on anti-depressants and some other meds, i cant take alot of stuff because i damaged my insides when i overdosed, but thankyou for caring.

    gitana- thank you SO much for your reply.. you don't know how horrible i feel today but your post did put things into perspective..i know i have dealt with disassociation in the past and i think im falling back into it..group therapy has helped me alloot since i began but the groups end for the summer so i will have no more support.. i have a good counsellour but i have been seeing her for two years and feel like i should have made more progress..or maybe im being selfish..thank you so much for being so nice i really appreciate it.

    gentlelady-i just began to relive them and become desensitized to it by writing it down and reading it over, but sometimes i think it isnt worth the pain..i feel better knowing people have experienced what i have..thank you for replying

    xx
     
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