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it's hopeless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shuddertothink, Sep 22, 2010.

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  1. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    I did it again...

    was really down and restless monday evening. My friend April showed up to hang out for a bit, she had a few K4's (dilaudid) so i bought one and shot it. Then about 30 mins later another friend showed up with Heroin stamps, so i bought 2 of them and did those as well. Well since i was feeling somewhat better i figured i would keep going, so i called Billy (he's one of the guys that works at the center, who's supposed to help me) he took me to Ricks, and we all went on a run to get some K8's (dilaudid) so i bought one of those too and did it. I was secretly hoping i would OD, but all it did was make me sleep for two days. It figures.

    I believe my life is never gonna get any better, and that i'm never gonna beat my addiction. Perhaps i should roll over and face facts. At least when i was using every day my life had a purpose.

    I really feel like giving up. I'm not sure i have it in me to keep fighting. You know how i said if something good doesn't happen fast that i'm just gonna get it over with.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    When on uses life does seem so hopeless it is an endless cycle of torment. You need to brealk this cycle You need to get into detox YOu cannot do this alone okay you need professional help in getting clean. Break the cycle break the feeling of hopelessness I think your worth the fight just do it okay sign self into detox now and start healing
  3. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Yes, but the purpose of drugs is meaningless, at best.
  4. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    believe me i know. i'm just thinking about not having to deal with shit. that's the appeal.
  5. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    i've done the whole rehab/detox thing a few times, it didn't seem to work.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Go to a different program a different approach one needs to truly want off them for it to work there is always a way if you want it to be it will be.
  7. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    If i can find a better approach i will take it, but i'm not going back to the same rehab center.
  8. SCUK2009

    SCUK2009 Well-Known Member

    At the risk of sounding stupid, what are K4's?
  9. Confused and Lost

    Confused and Lost Well-Known Member

    make that K8's too.

    What are they?

    Take care :) x
  10. Fridays child

    Fridays child Member

    but you already know what it's like to be an addict and feel hopeless and weak. You don't know what it's like to be a super-cool survivor who grits his teeth and enters re-hab and makes everyone so proud of him and ends up being one of those guys who gives talks in school and gets a law degree or something.

    But you could? You could be that guy? I think you could. Think it over and picture it.

    Wouldn't that be something good! At least drink some green tea (well cheap from supermarkets), or email a friend and talk, or make an appointment with your doctor, consultant, somebody helpful, or whoever and take one step. Do something (anything) that's good for yourself and then keep your mind on the big picture of how you're going to do it.

    Don't forget, Eddison took 2,000 steps to invent the lightbulb. He was asked how it felt to 'fail' 2000 times and he replied that he 'didn't fail, he invented the light bulb, but that it was a 2000 step process'.

    Some things don't happen overnight but they're worth fighting for. You're bound to have feelings of hopelessness and doubt, it's all part of the journey.

    You KNOW you can do this. And keep us updated! :love:

    Best wishes to you x
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    You need to kick your drug addiction, because it only causes harm to your body. Sure, they may make you feel good for a short time, but when they ware off, you're right back to where you started. You need to check into a good treatment center and get detoxed. Get the drugs out of your system and start putting nutrients back in.
  12. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    it's a 4 mg diladid pill
  13. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    i know i do. i just have to find the right place.
  14. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    dilaudid. 8 mg and 4 mg. it's a very strong opiate used for severe pain. It'sthe closest drug to heroin.
  15. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    thanks, tt means a lot. I have gotten sober before though. I just hope i can stick it out this time around.
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