but I wish cutting could do what it once did for me. It doesn't. I keep trying and it doesn't. I just consistently feel like shit. Because I'm a stupid whiny fuck who should honestly get killed in some ridiculous way. Like by myself maybe. But I can't. Anyway, i keep trying to go deeper and it doesn't work. I haven't for like a week. I was gonna stop. Now I don't think so. I'd rather try again.