to leave this world and find another. There is so much I don't understand, it's even beyond my imagination. So much I don't have experience with that is taken for granted and so central...I don't know how to explain it. So many different things about life that everyone knows so intimately, and to me it's so distant, not real... these things, these experiences and ways of talking and "stops" along the route of life, whether it's work or relationships or whatever...less real that the fantasy novel I'm trying to read (lack of focus and motivation makes finishing it a long term goal), the fantasy scenarios and locations I can picture in my head. These life things...they're just words. I feel I have to get out of here. Right away. Right fucking now, I can't stay here a second longer. I won't, I don't have the means to, I don't know any reliable methods, and maybe I'm misusing this section of the site by posting here when I won't. But I feel as if I need to. I just can't stand it. That thing I have talked to death about: not being human. And I don't really want to be human, I don't want to be anyone else, I want to be me...But the world won't let me be me. And I'm not about to stop.