It's in moments like these I feel I have to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Øyvind, Jun 18, 2014.

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  1. Øyvind

    Øyvind Senior Member

    to leave this world and find another. There is so much I don't understand, it's even beyond my imagination. So much I don't have experience with that is taken for granted and so central...I don't know how to explain it. So many different things about life that everyone knows so intimately, and to me it's so distant, not real... these things, these experiences and ways of talking and "stops" along the route of life, whether it's work or relationships or whatever...less real that the fantasy novel I'm trying to read (lack of focus and motivation makes finishing it a long term goal), the fantasy scenarios and locations I can picture in my head. These life things...they're just words.

    I feel I have to get out of here. Right away. Right fucking now, I can't stay here a second longer. I won't, I don't have the means to, I don't know any reliable methods, and maybe I'm misusing this section of the site by posting here when I won't. But I feel as if I need to.
    I just can't stand it. That thing I have talked to death about: not being human. And I don't really want to be human, I don't want to be anyone else, I want to be me...But the world won't let me be me. And I'm not about to stop.
     
  2. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    I understand much of what you are saying. But I truly believe there ARE MANY people who would love you and want to get know you and would let you be you.. I also know in my case, I can go from the biggest lows to the biggest highs within a day. And when I am down I can't imagine it getting better. So please HANG ON....You are such an important person and part of the web of life.. So many people need you and can be good for you....Maybe we can try to find a way to connect those people? I am not familiar with your other posts so I might be commenting and not fully realizing your meaning in certain ways, so please forgive that....But hang on and reach out as much as you can. You must know so much love and acceptance here alone and if it is here it is also elsewhere.... PLEASE stay here and help us. We need you and value you.
     
  3. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    Øyvind, I've read a little bit in your diary segments, and think favorably of your concept of an "acceptable world" — a place where sociality was less hyper-sexualized than the real world is, and based more on use of reason, despite limitations that prevent an "ideal" world from coming into existence. Achieving such a world is a bigger fight than I am capable of, but it starts with people like you who know that it is possible.

    Since I don't know you, I'm not in a position to help, but I do want to express best wishes to you. You always deserve the best in life.
     
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2014
    3 people like this.
  4. Clementine

    Clementine Well-Known Member

    I agree with the people above 100% and to go off of what Marty had said..so many people care about you and need you and we need to you to to stay with us so you can continue to grace us with your wonderfully fun and amazing presence! It will get better soon, it always does!
     
  5. Clementine

    Clementine Well-Known Member

    You've come a long, long way and you deserve to be really happy.
     
  6. Øyvind

    Øyvind Senior Member

  7. LoganMorgan

    LoganMorgan Member

    I feel you. Scream, Scream loudly!!!!, but hang in there. Stay with us if you can. We need you.
     
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