It's ironic...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by markc, Aug 2, 2007.

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  1. markc

    markc Active Member

    ...but being a diabetic is a real advantage if you are suicidal. To keep me alive, my physicians are REQUIRED to continually provide me with the means of my destruction (my meds.) My only requirement is deciding when and where to terminate myself. The "how" is always available.

    The when will be "soon". The where is still undecided. :sad:

    Peace,

    - Mark
     
  2. markc

    markc Active Member

    FYI, I've definitely found my "quote to live by" (so to speak):

    "Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." - Neil Gaiman
    Peace,

    - Mark
     
  3. ScorchedInBlack

    ScorchedInBlack Active Member

    it will be okay mark :hug:
    I promise it is not worth it to die.
    the only ironic thing is in the end
    love is what is going to heal you.
     
  4. markc

    markc Active Member

    Unrequited love is a barbwire blender in the heart. Every waking minute epitomizes pain. Oblivion is the only attractive concept I have.

    I saw her briefly, last night. Then I went out for sushi with a couple of female friends. I'm not sure with the dead opposite of "life of the party" is, but that would pretty much described me during dinner. Afterwards, I went home and put a substantial dent in my liquor collection (which is both sizeable and diverse.) At least that knocked me out for the rest of the night, so I guess it wasn't a total loss. :dry:

    To top it all off, she texts me this morning to ask me if I'm "OK".

    WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE EXPECT ME TO SAY?!?! SHE FUCKING WELL KNOWS I'M NOT OK!

    I'll never be OK as long we share the same planet. I love her to much to even entertain the slightest notion of harming her, so there's really only one obvious alternative.
     
  5. ScorchedInBlack

    ScorchedInBlack Active Member

    tell her the way you feel..
    that is the only thing that you can do
    hope for the best
    there is someone out there that
    will completely blow you away
    and will make you the happiest person on the
    planet..it will be okay :hug:
     
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