it's just hair...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by KimKim, Sep 8, 2013.

  1. KimKim

    KimKim Well-Known Member

    I have allways been a freak. I have allwas had the craziest hair, punkish clothes...And it has never been great deal for my family. Apart from my appereance (and my mental disorder) I haer never caused anybody seriouse truble so they accepted and respected me as the person I was.

    Now I have turned 18. In Germany that's when you turn into an adult with all rights and duties.
    I got my lipweb pierced which is realy just a tiny thing compared to my other piercings and - what has nothing to do with my birthday at all - I cut of my green dreadlocks and shaved my head. Just because I felt like it...I like how it turned out.
    I expected m family would not love it...but after all it's just hair, right? It's going to grow back.
    But it's a desaster. My granny actually cried...which I don't give a damn about because her tolerance has never been hight now; she's old enough to not understand what's going through my head.^^
    I thought my parents would me fine with it. The were NOT.
    Right now I feel like my family is acusing me for putting shame upon them, for making them worried aout my future about what people will think of me...My mother told me my dad hadn't slept all night because he had nightmares รณ.o AM I TO BLAME? seriousely...that's so pathetic! all I did was cut of m hair!
    I wish they could understand that. I don't get why we see things so differentl while we have spent all pur lifes together.
    I am crying right now; I've been crying for two days...I wish I had the courage to explain to them that they make me feel like they do not love me anymore - just because of my hair. I do not want to be around people who don't understand a word of what I say...I always believed I had the most tolerant family I knew...
    oh, I could whine about this forever...It breaks my heart - it feels like I'm lovesick...
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, KimKim. I'm sorry your decision upset your family so much! :hug: I wish it were not so hurtful for you that they are so upset.

    I think perhaps you "shocked" them. It takes time for hair to grow out. Perhaps your family feels you did something major without realizing it will take time to go back to the way it was. You see, you can remove earrings and studs, but hair has to "grow" back. They are worried about you and what your style means to others who can affect your life (for work, schooling, social life).

    It sounds like they are usually supportive. Could you talk to them and tell them you appreciate their concern, but that you did make a conscious choice and you know that it will take time to grow back? You're sorry it's upset them, that wasn't what you intended? Including them and talking to them at this point might at least clear the air. I have a feeling that they still love you, but they're worried about you - will your radical hair style have an impact on your new "adult" status and ability to support yourself in the future?

    When a family member chooses something that makes them stand out in a "non-traditional" way, it can surprise and worry the rest of the family. Perhaps you could reassure them that you are still you and that you are willing to at least try to hear things from their perspective. You might not agree with them, but listening to them could show that you have not stopped caring about what they think and value. It also might give you a chance to explain what your style means to you.

    I hope things settle down soon.