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It's just that time of year...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by barto, Apr 8, 2011.

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  1. barto

    barto Well-Known Member

    Two years tomorrow since the very worst day of my life. I'm not going to go into detail about that day. All I'm going to say is that it was basically the start of my more severe problems.

    It all gets worse around this time. The insomnia, the anxiety, the OCD, the panic attacks, the self harm, the suicidal thoughts and depression...everything. And it's made worse this year, for I have no medication to distract me from my physical pain as well. :(

    The worse part of this is the voices. I used to ignore them, dismiss them as just a figure of my imagination. But I can see now that they are very, very real. They're screaming in my head.
    It's all your fault!
    Kill yourself!
    I know it's all my fault and I know that I deserve to die, but do I really need to be reminded of it every single day of my life?

    I just want it all to stop :cry:
  2. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry this time of the year tends to hit hard on you. And I'm sorry you have to be reminded of an anniversary of something hurtful.

    Regarding the voices, you said you were able to dismiss them before, but now they seem real again. Why do they seem real now, as opposed to before when they weren't? Are they more prominent? Or is it related to the anniversary?
  3. barto

    barto Well-Known Member

    They're louder than ever, and yes, they came about a short time after the traumatic event in my life. It's just....eating away at me
  4. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    The fact that you have voices telling you to kill yourself is pretty damned awful. Voices are hard to get rid of. I, ah, I've never said this on this forum before, but I was hospitalized in part for voices. But the voices I heard weren't giving me commands or telling me to kill myself.

    I think if the voices went away you wouldn't have to feel this bad...Are you participating in any type of treatment? The obvious solution is meds, and antipsychotics work very quickly.

    But, perhaps more significantly, this time of the year for you...my only advice is to stay in touch. Everyone here is with you, and we want to help you through this.
  5. barto

    barto Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to here about your hospitalization :(

    I agree that it would be as bad without them...It would be awful and heartbreaking, but not quite as bad. As for treatment, I'm starting therapy on Tuesday, but I have no meds at all right now...for anything...the doctors took me off them, and I haven't told anybody about the voices because they haven't been this bad before.

    That's part of the problem. I feel...so isolated right now :cry:
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