It's killing us.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TheWr0ngChild, Jul 13, 2009.

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  1. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    My PMS is slowly destroying my relationship with my partner. We live together so he sees everything, right down to me waking up in the dead of night thinking my throat is blocked (just another one of my symptoms). He's getting fed up of me I know that, I think he really does love me, but I'm only part time now, for 2 weeks to 15 days out of each month I become someone else, and I get very ill physicaly.

    First appointment with the GP landed up in some blood tests they did coming back negative and them saying there was nothing physical going on. All this doctor offered was anti depressants, which I refused.

    My menstrual cycle started getting bad about 5 years ago, I have always had terrible pain right since I started at age 12, but as I've got older, the emotional & physical symptoms have got worse. I have not slept for 2 nights thanks to really bad pain and I'm not even on yet!

    I'm starting to think maybe, that if I love him as much as I do regardless of all the rows my PMS causes, that I should end my life now before this goes any further. I love him, and I do not want to be the one who adds any more hurt to his life, he's endured enough of that all his life. I wish he knew how much I loved him but I don't think he does, he just sees me forgetting my name & asking him what it is while we're stood in front of the clerk at the bank with me not knowing who I am, or me constantly coughing, sneezing, having fainting spells, feeling sick etc. And what ever for? I don't want a baby, I couldn't even manage to look after my puppy when I had her, she was so beautiful, she was a staffordshire bull terrier and she was LOVELY. I was so ill with PMS & stomach pain that I just could not get up to play with her & walk her, so we had to find her a new home.

    This illness has devistated not just my life, but everyone elses too. I have exhausted his sympathy, and I'm driving him mad. If I'm going down, then the only person I have ever loved is NOT coming down with me. If I end my life before I do any more damage, then maybe not all of his memories of me will be bad ones.

    Life is a 24 hour, 365 day a year commitment, I am 'well' for about 1 & a half weeks out of 4, as the time between ending my period and getting symtoms again is getting shorter. This wasted function is finally serving a purpose, it's killing me.

    The longer I live, the bigger the scar on his life is getting, he didn't fall in love with this. I've done everything to get him to understand, but I don't think he ever will, but then again he's one of thousands in that respect.

    I'm going to try & go back to the GP tomorrow, but I doubt any good will come of it. They don't beleive in this, nor do anti depressants cure it. When/if I get some money from my late grandma's estate, I might think about going private, but at the rate I'm going I don't know if I would have joined my grandma before then.
  2. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    I wish I had answers for you. I'm dealing with a similar issue now - hormonal stuff, and no body listens and no one wants to help with the things that work. You have my complete sympathy, and you're not alone. I had horrible PMDD all of my life, and like you only got about one good week out of a month. Now I don't get that. I really suggest at least trying to get on some kind of birth control or something. Something to level out your PMDD. Try talking to the doctors again - I keep seeing this commercial on the tele of a BC pill that's specifically for PMDD - but my doctors won't give me any hormones at all because they're so worried about heart attacks and whatnot. Ugh. I pray your doctors have more compassion than mine. :hug:
  3. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I was on the pill about 4 years ago, and I feel it actualy started some of these extreme symptoms. I don't like doing 'internet diagnosis' but my situation fits PMDD right down to the last letter. I distrust medications due to the fact I have very odd and sometimes adverse reactions to them. I had side effects on the pill like seering pains in my calves & circled lights in my eyes. Given how serious the pill side effects can be, it's not worth the risk in me.

    It's just taken me 5 hours to clean 2 rooms, because I foolishly had a drink (out of extreme thirst) and if I have a full cup of a drink or even slightly too much food, or the wrong flavours etc (can't touch fish, cheese or egg when I'm in my bad 2 weeks) I get morning sickness symptoms. (I am not pregnant for the record). My symptoms closely mimic those of pregnancy though such as the nausea, fatigue, swollen hands & feet etc.

    On top of all this, I have Aspergers Syndrome, so all the quirks that go with that such as anxiety, social & communication problems, mood problems etc, all get 500 times worse in my bad 2 weeks. Aspergers asside, this is seperate, this is physical as when my period actualy starts, it feels like someone's pulled the plug on it, and every last symptom vanishes & gives way to horriffic period pain for a couple of days. Give me that any day over the premenstrual symptoms though. Pain is doable, pain does not change who you are towards others, pain does not exasserbate my Aspergers, pain doesn't cause me to forget my name. Yes, the short term memory loss is very bad for me, sometimes I can leave the house with no idea where I'm sposed to be going, sometimes I wonder off without even knowing I'm doing it.
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