I haven't been on here in a long time. It feels funny coming back because when I was here the first time is right when I was spiraling into my crisis mode. I guess I came on here to see if I was still alone in my thought process and even though I know I am not i just seem not to care. I overdosed about a year ago and went through the typical motions. I stayed clean for several months developed a plan to get me out into the world but I freaked out and backed out at the last minute. Maybe I set the bar to high. But here I am again practicing the same destructive behaviors and the people around me either don't notice or are to consumed with their own problems and issues to care. But I see the patterns and know where to road is leading. Just wondering if there's a way out of this. I have dreams like everyone else but I don't think I have the capabilities to get them to be reality. If life is this repetitive I find it hard to see a point in going through the same day to day motions. Well I've rambled on long enough so I will just leave it at that.