It's like my brain just doesn't function right

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ziffon, Sep 20, 2009.

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  1. ziffon

    ziffon New Member

    I'm 20 years old, and I feel useless and worthless. I'm ugly, and dumb. I have just enough intelligence to understand everything, but it's like I'm unable to learn anything. I did very badly in school from grade 5 to 12(high school), I tried to blame it on my lack of interest. But it's just like I have a mental block when I'm trying to learn something. I have trouble with memory too. People don't understand why a person like me who seems to have a good enough intelligence can't function normally in life. I tried to take college classes but I just can't wrap my head around it. I thought it was just math that I had trouble in but I'm limited in almost everything in life. I guess I'm just simply stupid. I work at a fast food restaurant right now, and it looks like I have no future. I hate who I am. I don't want to continue trying to live life working in fast food. But it seems I can't do anything more complicated than that. To give you an Idea of how much smartness I lack: I have trouble doing simple mental math in my head. It's like I was born with a curse... If only my brain would function normally, I would be a very successful person.

    I don't know what kind of disorder I have... Or if it's just low intelligence. I really need to know if there are more people like me. I just keep imagining getting a gun and putting a bullet through my head... My fucking useless head. I just don't want my family to see it. They work too hard to see their eldest son dead inside their own house. I need to leave a note and kill myself in a way where theres no trace of me left.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    First off i am so sorrry you are feeling so down You are so young so much time to get help for you. Have youever been tested to see why you are having so much difficulty. Ask your doctor to get a test to see where your difficulty lies. It could be you do have a learning disability. Processing disabilty hearing disability but until you are tested you won't know. Most collegues universities will have professionals that do testing there then the support you need to survive will be givento you. Get tested and find out don't give up yet you are too young.
  3. Menchi

    Menchi Well-Known Member

    I will echo what violet said, i'm no expert but it does sound like there is something specific making it difficult for you to learn. It could be a particular learning disability, so the best thing to do would be to seek tests to find out what in particular is causing it.

    Have you tried different learning methods? Some people struggle with particular types of learning material (whether written or spoken in class). Men tend to be better at visual learning, it may just be that how you are being taught isn't the best for you. How well do you do at more creative subjects, out of interest?
  4. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    school is a bunch of crap, you are probably smarter then anyone you go to school with
  5. monnie101

    monnie101 Member

    What would happen if a person walking in crutches just dragged themselves through the street? People might look at them funny. Most wouldn't be so understanding. If you have a broken leg, you go to a doctor to help fix it and learn to walk with it until it heals.

    I felt dumb stupid, when I was a teenager in high school and in jobs. Do you know how many inventors and amazing people did bad in school but became being very important in life for their achievements? I had some self loathing going on and I still do sometimes. People often told me I was dumb and even teachers & bosses told me I was! They also said I would never be anything and that I was worthless! Well years later I saw one of them at the Post Office and I said, "Well well look who it is, the counselor who said I was never going to accomplish anything in life" and I continued to tell him how I finished a year in tech college, and am picking up mail from my record label P.O.Box. So he was wrong. He began to denie everything he said.

    After figuring out I had ADD, Chronic Fatigue, and depression and learning how to work it, I'm a lot smarter then many where I live. Their is a chance that you may be very intelligent! You just don't understand what is wrong and how to work your issues. Their are people who are geniuses and can't even talk right to answer someone, people would assume they were dumb, but they aren't. They just aren't able to communicate things the same way. Look at some autistics who possess some genius qualities, I'm sure kids called them dumb too. I have a friend who failed in school and yet she possesses a photographic memory and has written some amazing books.

    I'd recommend, you see some doctors, do some reading. Remember this, you need to help yourself. I've gone through some doctors who thought "it was just all in my head" or they couldn't help anyone besides diagnosing a flu. Just like their are bad mechanics out there, their are bad doctors. So when you meet some, don't be discouraged. Don't let them get you down. Move on to the next doctor. Also, it's not just that, due to money/insurance issues, they sometimes pass people off because they need to get people in and out. Look up things you may have, on goggle. Go to your local library and ask them where the section is for the type of books you need. I have Fibromyalgia and I saw doctors for years who didn't know. It wasn't until after reading about tons of disorders and books that I self-diagnosed myself then went to a reumatoligist to confirm it.

    Also, check out some self-help books on thinking positive. You can go to and Google to search for "books on thinking positive" write a list down. Then go to your local library and ask if they have them. They should have a computer you can look up books on too. I read some "Law of Attraction" stuff that helped me even though I don't believe in it totally, it did help me a lot just by thinking positive.

    Try not to allow yourself to believe the negatives people perceive about you. They are not accurate but they don't understand what's going on. For some it's just easier for them to assume. That is why we should not judge others harshly, we never know what the reasons or conditions lie behind a person.

    I bet your good at the things you like to do. Is a plumber good at doing a carpenter's job? Find out what you are good at, and do that. Learn to be the best in it if you love it.

    Hang in there. Don't give up on yourself, stay strong, keep hope alive.
  6. unaffected

    unaffected Member

    I get depressed and angry about the lack of success in my life my father always made me feel stupid I got a crappy job also my dream is to be an internet marketer but no matter how much I try to be one I cant make it happened while others make it look so easy earning all these thousands a month yet nobody is willing to take the time to help me learn yet iam only asking for a simple £200 per month which would be life changing for me.
    I spend and waste so much time on it with no success one of the reasons I got dumped by the best girl I had in my life and why I have no friends.
    Often times it does feel like pulling the gun will make it all go away
  7. ziffon

    ziffon New Member

    Thanks you guys.

    It would really help if I knew what exactly is my problem and learn to cope with it.
  8. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Not all of us can work all jobs. My brain doesn't function right. I studied to be a bookkeeper in high school but I couldn't handle the job. I ended up working as an accounts payable clerk all my life. I do ok when I work in a back office where I can focus on basic tasks.

    When my father was a teenager he went to work for a shoe store and ended up being the manager.

    I know people who only work in fast food. There is no shame in it at all. You can be proud you're a working person.
  9. Nascito

    Nascito New Member

    Are you kidding me? No shame in working in a fast food restaurant? Maybe it's different where you live, but in most of the United states lower waged jobs like "fast food worker" are frowned upon
  10. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    way i see it at least youve got a job. i cant even get a job at mcdonalds because im so under qualified. be grateful for what you have. id be chuffed if i could get even a paper round
  11. Nascito

    Nascito New Member

    I hear this being said SO MANY TIMES, as if working at McDonalds or having a crappy job is blessing, it's totally not the case at ALL. People will say all the time "be grateful for what you have because I have etc etc etc," it goes in a giant continuation to the lowest worm gets his word in "at least you have feet I eat dirt all day"
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