Its me, just only me.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by TheBLA, Mar 21, 2007.

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  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I feel better than usual, but maybe I'm right now just not thinking about how pathetic I am. Can't stay too long as I gotta do my schoolwork. I dunno why I'm here, keep saying that I've been here for 1.5+ years and haven't accomplished anything, pathetic of course right?

    I feel that life itself can be great, but just not mine. I feel that none of you should absolutely not commit suicide but except for me. I dunno what to really say, should I even try to reach out for help to cure my depression and live normally or is it all for no use? I know of course the answer you'll give me will be hell yes.

    I just feel depressed and down at how much of a loser I am, and I know many of you feel the exact same way, but I am a bigger loser than you, trust me.

    I have never suffered things like emotional/sexual/physical abuse, drugs, alcohol, etc. Had a happy childhood. I just haven't been raised right I think, I am lacking in so many things that everyone else my age has, I am very empty and boring and pathetic but my parents think I am very normal and will grow up to be a great person. Huh, at least they have confidence in me no?

    I'm sure everyone things I am crazy for thinking about suicide, but if only there was a way you could read my mind exactly or I could just freaking not be embarassed and be uninhibited and say exactly what bothers me.

    I want to be normal and happy. I am very afraid of death and I don't think I really want to die, I of course have hesitation, I have no plans, nothing like that. I just feel that I have to eventually because I am so screwed up and will never live a normal life.

    I suppose instead of commiting suicide, I should instead just try to go out and improve myself and try to be normal like everyone else instead of just ending my whole life right now?

    People will say I am only 19, turning 20 soon and have so much ahead of me. I would agree with that except that for my whole life, I have not lived a "normal" life and so feel that I am screwed up for the rest of my life, like those "feral humans" you know? Maybe thats a bit too dramatic and extreme but thats sorta the picture with me I think.

    Damn, my mom is bitching at me to work, gotta go for now.


    Thank you very much for reading this and for replying. :smile:
     
  2. Erebos

    Erebos Well-Known Member

    I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. You may think you do not qualify for any of the typical depression causes, but that's completely irrelevant.

    Tell me, what do you want out of life?
     
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Sorry, what did you mean by the first sentence, I didn't understand that, and I dunno what I want out of life, damn, I never should have been born, I shouldn't be here, I don't have any purpose here or anything, shit. I was born prematurely and was on the brink of death when my dad saved me by getting me prompt medical attention, I don't think he should have done that, what if I was supposed to die and not suppoed to have lived?? I feel now maybe that I was not meant to have been born and god was trying to kill me right then and there and I should have died?

    That just made me more depressed, I'm so pathetic, can I even find help here or should I leave or what, I am so confused on what to freaking do, I am very very lost. :sad: :sad: :sad:

    Is there any hope for me, I am sorry if I sound so pathetic and rambling on unlike everyone else here, I dunno if I can be helped, I feel like an outcast everywhere, even here and everyone is ignoring me or something. How can I get help? Maybe I should try to PM people here or talk to them on MSN/AIM/Yahoo Messenger, etc? I just do not know what to do and I feel that nobody here likes me and everyone else is getting help except for me.

    I'm just here rambling and babbling like an idiot, I just hope someone can say something to make me feel better please? Please anyone help me? Please???????? Please help!!!!

    And hey, I noticed that I am not allowed to edit my original post?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 22, 2007
  4. The Departed

    The Departed Member

    Hi Nkrukato!

    I can relate what you're writing... I don't wanna die, but just a couple of hours ago I just thought about killing myself... I'd never tell anyone else to kill himself though.

    I'm bout the same age as you and I'm also thinking of my life as just boring and that I missed so many thinks in my life, like a normal youth(going out with friends, the first relationship and so on...)... Why do you consider your life not normal? What is missing in your opinion?
    I'm also thinking I can't live my life the way I want to or be the way I wanna be like. I don't even have plans for the future as well...

    Sorry I'm not writing more now, but it's 11:30pm here and I'm very tired cause I din't have time to rest during the day(I get tired pretty quick)...
    I really hope you'll find a way out of your depression!

    Maybe wa can chat via MSN/AIM some time if you like?

    Greets
    the departed
     
  5. Erebos

    Erebos Well-Known Member

    Well, you listed some of the more common causes of depression. Just because you say you don't satisfy any of them doesn't mean you don't have a good reason; one that's just as valid as anyone else. I can't say I've suffered most of those either. Can you elaborate on yours?

    As for getting better. I'm sure there are very specific things you want out of life, right? Can you name them so we can figure out how to achieve them?
     
  6. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I feel sick and crappy and my internet sucks and so does my computer and bah, I just wanted to bump this up, hoping more people can please respond to my pathetic thread? Thank you.
     
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