hi i just searched google for suicide forum or something like that ive been extremely depressed for about a year now, its been with me for my entire lifetime but got quite intense after my ex girlfriend left me as she was my first girlfriend and i lost my virginity to her at the age of 22 so i loved her very much and she abandoned me and my life sort of spiralled out of control. i am a recovering heroin addict and have had a seriously hard life and recently got myself into therapy anyways tomorrow is my birthday im hoping to not wake up but that never comes true though i remember reading in history class that slaves would will themselves to death on their way over from africa during the beginning of slavery in the US so i always keep it on my mind hoping ill get lucky its my birthday tomorrow ill be 24 living at home no job no friends family hates me recovering drug addict no money no goals nothing the only feelings i feel now a days are depression, rage, homicidal/suicidal urges, and then theres the lack of feeling feeling. rarely do i feel happiness, maybe once a month ill have a good day maybe. and it just goes away and im left with this horrible consuming hatred of myself. my birthday is tomorrow i want to die for my birthday that would be the best birthday present ever i hope that someone fucking kills me or maybe i grow enough balls to finally kill myself thanks for reading i am thankful i could vent that and hopefully people with empathy will read this and can relate. -tony.