My mom is writing a will now. She said that if I have one more attempt, she will give the portion of my will to my sister. Well, to tell you the truth, I want to tell my mom to just give everything to my sister because I can't guarantee that I will live long enough to receive her will. Everyday I want to sabotage everything just for the sake of giving up on myself. That's because I continuously have urges to end my life...hopefully sooner than later. I dwell on being on life support again and hopefully this time, someone will pull the plug. I hate these thoughts but I'm starting to give up fighting them. What for? I don't have a promising future and I would do anything to kill myself successfully. No more attempts, but to really commit suicide. I want to warn my family that I'm not going to make it and therefore, I want to say good bye to them. They'll probably understand because I've been struggling with suicidal ideations and attempts all my adult life. Enough is enough. As soon as I find out the surest way to die without much suffering, I'm going for it. I am so ready.