It's my family holding me back?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by WhyMeWhy, Feb 26, 2008.

  1. WhyMeWhy

    WhyMeWhy Well-Known Member

    My family is split, but we live near eachother. My youngest little bro lives with his father. I live with my mother & take care of my mentally challenged little brother, because she needs the help. She OD'd once and was in a coma for 6 weeks. She'd never make it without me to help her. Father cannot handle the brother that I live with, they are violent towards eachother to the point of needing psychological help. That is why I'm still at home. Because of the family situation. Sometimes they drive me so crazy. I've od'd several times because it's very difficult living with them/the way they act/their atitudes toward eachother and also towards me. My late grandmother always said I had the patience of a saint, taking care of my family the way I do. But mostly...... it seems that they take advantage of me. Take take take little or no give. Also they take me for granted to the point where I want to leave & never return. But how can I do that to them? Do they deserve it? I don't know. My choices in this matter are limited. I could live in a group home. Don't think so! I could hit the streets..... a vagrant. Don't think so! My family all need proffesional help, myself included, and I don't know exactly how to go about getting them the help they desperatly need! My worker says to leave the house and call the cops and try to explain everything..... Idk if that would even do any good at all + my family are against this idea. But staying the way things are, my future if I have one, looks grim. Sometimes I feel treated like a slave. It's not even like I can escape to a freinds house for awhile..... lost all my freinds to drugs-they chose their precious crack over my company long ago. My mother has no freinds as well. She told me recently that I am like her best freind-because we have some things in common and can get along very well-if we're both on drugs. When I'm not on drugs I just humor her..... she is always on something because she's on a methadone program & has a good theraputic doc who gives her anxiety & sleeping pills. This is a mess that I don't know how to deal with other than continuing the way things are. I go out & get legal pills to make my atitude better, because living with them sober is hell in it's purest form. The brightest future I have is writing music/playing my guitar. This could pay off in the future. But my practice time is interupted by things like housework & dealing with everything that's expected from me. They won't really let me have the practice time that I need so I'm not as good as I used to be at playing my guitar. This means I can't meet up with other musicians because I'm not up to par with them. I'm afraid that due to current circumstances I suck at playing now so I'm in no hurry to play in front of anyone. And to top it all off mother says the guitar is "too noisy" so she doesn't encourage me playing while she's home. This shit sucks man it really really does & I have to find a way out......... alone. All by myself. What a fuckin life! It's a wonder I made it this far. :blink: :blink: :blink: