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its my fault.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by lost_child, Jan 20, 2009.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Has anyone been abused as a child and then raped as an adult? it seems that there is something about me that allows it to happen.

    my old man - 4-6/7 - sa
    he's step son - 7 (but only 3 weeks during school holidays) - sa
    family friend - 8 - 14/5 - sa & r
    my ex counsellor said my step dad sa me i disagree.
    2 lads at 15 - r
    1 lad at 18 - r
    3 lads at 21 - sa/t
    1 lad at 26 - r
    1 lad at 26 - r
    1 lad at 27 - s/att
    5 lads at 28 - s/att

    how can it not be my fault? I've been physically abused from my brother for 20 years, I accepted it until last year. my nan was emtionally abusive and my ex counsellor said something she done would be seen as se* abu* its disgusting. i'm female.

    se ehow disgusting i am. if you want to hurt someone hurt me, i know that's alll i'm good for. I will be dead soon anyway.
  2. wunderwood

    wunderwood Well-Known Member

    I don't know why people tend to get revictimized. But yes, I have been/am there.

    molested age 7
    14, 16, 29 r*ped.

    So it hasn't happened as much to me as it has you, but I also know with each time a bit more of your soul feels like it is taken away.

    I'm really sorry you had to go through all of that.
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm so sorry that you both have had to endure so much sexual abuse in your lives. :hug:
  4. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    Hey, i know how you're feeling. I've been r*ped 17 times and suspect there may be 2 others but I'm not sure because I passed out...i dont drink as much anymore. If you ever need to talk, you can PM me. *hugs*
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Jodie,

    I am sorry you have been through so much.

    None of what happened is your fault. I would also suggest you see a new counselor if you are unhappy with your current one. It takes time to find the right therapist,I know that from experience. Good luck sweetie,I'm always here if you x
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm sorry to hear that you were raped at least 17 times (that you know of). I don't understand why guys feel the need to do this to women? :hug:
  7. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    First of all - it is not your fault - that, I know. Rapists will rape and they will pick on anyone convenient.

    Yes, I was molested from age 3 on; raped almost nightly fromthe time I was 6 thru age 10....multiple rapes at ages 16, 18. 21...Then to add to the stupidity; I married my rapist and kept being re-victimized. It happens because something inside is taken from you as a child - the ability to feel as if you can demand better treatment and the ability to defend. Something we should have learned and internalized as children the ability to recognize abusers for what they are.... instead we were taught how to give up because that is all we were ever shown....None of it is your fault and you are better than to be treated that way!

    A good counselor can help give you the resources you deserved to be given as a child. The feeling of safety and self worth takes time to build but it is possible - The abuses you have survived are not because of something inherent to you - it is because of something rotten about the abusers. You are the pure soul inside that was there before the abuse and is still there; you just have to reconnect with that part of who you are.

    Take care - Hang on - there has to be better out there!

  8. porcelain child

    porcelain child Well-Known Member

    You are a victim and its never your fault...

    Just some people are unluckly... but don't ever blame yourself... you did not deserve any of this...

  9. wibble

    wibble Well-Known Member

    Lost child, its not your fault, I promise you. I worked as a samaritan for a couple of years and I promise you, what these bastards did to you is not your fault.

    As a man, I can only imagine what its like to be treated the way you have, and no one deserves what you have been through. Im in tears reading your story because you have so much to give and so many positive qualities I see through reading your posts, I hate the thought of these animals robbing the world of that.

    I am going to make you a promise now. I am going to help you through this, whatever it takes, one step at a time. Anything you need, anything at all, and I will be here. I have complete faith in you, a person I have never met, and I think you are one of the strongest people I've heard of. I know this because, despite whats happened, you're still here, reaching out, and thats a start.

    You deserve better and you WILL get better, I promise.
  10. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    People keep saying it will get better, but when, what do I have to do to get out of this trap? I'm tired of fighting everyday just to try and move on and yet still being stuck in quick sand. sorry
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I know how you feel hun.

    How annoying it is to believe yourself and others when they say things will get better, then nothing happens. I think if you don't have any expectations of the future, then you wont be let down. Just live in today :hug:
  12. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I feel so selfish for not wanting to continue fighting after my abuse now.i would rather endure all abuse than have anyone else suffer it.my dad abused me and i have been raped also.sometimes i feel that theres a label on me that only men can see that says 'do what you want,regardless' and i too just want to stop coping.i see no way to get over anything like this.i wish i could take your pain away
  13. wibble

    wibble Well-Known Member

    Lost_child, sweetheart is right, live in today. being better is a great long term goal, but look at your smaller wins on the road to that.

    Win 1: Your still here. No matter how bad the pain is, your here and you've shown you can fight through it. The fact is, you have been through the worst thing experience imaginable, several times, but you've gotten through it. I know you have the strength to get better. Now we need to look at where you go day by day.

    Win 2: You reached out. I have only an academic idea of what you must be feeling right now, I can't imagine what its like, but I do know it takes great resolve and courage to speak about it to people.

    Look at getting more small wins, set your self small goals and keep a track of what you've achieved day by day. By the time you have a few of them, they'll happen more and more, like a snowball down a hill.

    You will get through this, I can't tell you how long it will take, but I'll be here every step of the way if you need me to be.
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