My girlfriend has suicidal tendencies. She hurts herself but doesn't leave scars, I don't know how. She says she never wants to bother anyone, so when she's on a downswing she just stays at home and never sleeps. She wants to scream, but she won't because it might wake someone up. She says she doesn't want to bother anyone, so she never starts a conversation. She said she didn't go to any camps this summer because she was planning to kill herself this July. She said she didn't because we started going out. She says the only reason she keeps going is to not disappoint anyone. That's why she says she won't kill herself before the school play this fall, but she can't make any promises after. She says that she can't do anything well. She's been to some of the best arts programs in the country, has a lead in the school play, can play half a dozen instrument, and is a dancer. She's very smart. She's witty. She's extraordinarily well-read. She says she isn't pretty. Everyone thinks she pretty, me especially. She just hates everything about her body and about herself. She's bisexual. She says she was never suicidal before she became aware of that. She doesn't take any anti-depressants. Apparently, if you go to the doctor and tell them you're suicidal, it goes on your permanent record? And colleges see? She says I would be better off with her gone. She doesn't eat a lot. She's taken off a lot of weight, to the point where her hips stick out a little bit. She says she loves the control over how she looks. She says she want there to be less of her. Sometimes she goes days without eating. A lot of the time she just won't help herself because she doesn't care. Some things, she says she just doesn't see the point, because she might be dead soon. But then she picks up a new instrument and commits herself to it. Most of the time she's just great. But then, occasionally, she'll say something like "I just don't deserve you, you wouldn't have to deal with me if I were dead". I want her to get help. I want her to care about herself. I want her to love herself the way I love her, or at least feel as though she can live with herself. She says she feels as though she can't. She said next time she's really in the doldrums she'll try calling me instead of hurting herself. She said she's normally not in a state to talk. I said we could Skype, or she could cry or just breath and hold the phone, but it might help to get things out knowing I was trying to access her pain. I hope that was the right thing to do. She says I do make her feel better. I just don't know where else to put this. I might add stuff occasionally. Move it if this is the wrong subforum.