It's my girlfriend...

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by likk9922, Jul 21, 2010.

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  1. likk9922

    likk9922 New Member

    My girlfriend has suicidal tendencies.

    She hurts herself but doesn't leave scars, I don't know how.

    She says she never wants to bother anyone, so when she's on a downswing she just stays at home and never sleeps. She wants to scream, but she won't because it might wake someone up. She says she doesn't want to bother anyone, so she never starts a conversation.

    She said she didn't go to any camps this summer because she was planning to kill herself this July. She said she didn't because we started going out.

    She says the only reason she keeps going is to not disappoint anyone. That's why she says she won't kill herself before the school play this fall, but she can't make any promises after.

    She says that she can't do anything well. She's been to some of the best arts programs in the country, has a lead in the school play, can play half a dozen instrument, and is a dancer. She's very smart. She's witty. She's extraordinarily well-read.

    She says she isn't pretty. Everyone thinks she pretty, me especially. She just hates everything about her body and about herself.

    She's bisexual. She says she was never suicidal before she became aware of that.

    She doesn't take any anti-depressants. Apparently, if you go to the doctor and tell them you're suicidal, it goes on your permanent record? And colleges see?

    She says I would be better off with her gone.

    She doesn't eat a lot. She's taken off a lot of weight, to the point where her hips stick out a little bit. She says she loves the control over how she looks. She says she want there to be less of her. Sometimes she goes days without eating.

    A lot of the time she just won't help herself because she doesn't care. Some things, she says she just doesn't see the point, because she might be dead soon. But then she picks up a new instrument and commits herself to it.

    Most of the time she's just great. But then, occasionally, she'll say something like "I just don't deserve you, you wouldn't have to deal with me if I were dead".

    I want her to get help. I want her to care about herself. I want her to love herself the way I love her, or at least feel as though she can live with herself. She says she feels as though she can't.

    She said next time she's really in the doldrums she'll try calling me instead of hurting herself. She said she's normally not in a state to talk. I said we could Skype, or she could cry or just breath and hold the phone, but it might help to get things out knowing I was trying to access her pain. I hope that was the right thing to do.

    She says I do make her feel better.

    I just don't know where else to put this. I might add stuff occasionally. Move it if this is the wrong subforum.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 21, 2010
  2. Young suicider

    Young suicider Well-Known Member

    Well she obviously isn't very positive to herself. So try to be as nice and positive to her as you can...She might start giving in and beleivibg you.

    As for it going on her permanent record...depends on what she does to get help.Talk to a school counseller most likely wouldn't.Getting profesional help might.Getting Medication would go on it.

    But for things like gettng a job etc. That ask you if you ever took depression meds or ever had feelings...it's pretty easy to just lie.

    Example:When I go to get a sports physical(ironically tommorow) one question which if answered yes you automatically fail is "Have you ever had suicidal feelings?" And I just answer no because...well duh.
    Which Im not sure why that has anything to do with playing sports ....but I'm no expert on that.
     
  3. likk9922

    likk9922 New Member

    First of all, thank you so much for responding. I really appreciate it.

    I'm a pretty positive person, ironically enough. I'm always complimenting her and encouraging her. I don't honestly know how much of an impression I'm making, but I'm really trying. Now when I ask if she believes me, she says she doesn't know instead of "no", but she might just be humoring me. I don't know.

    That's interesting to know, thanks. She does really need to get treated and we both know it. I'm really afraid she won't make it through the year. I don't know what the tradeoff is. I mean, I would rather have it on her record and be alive than for her to be dead, but she just thinks that it doesn't matter, so...
    And we're on summer vacation now. Maybe I can convince her to talk to her counsellor in the fall, I don't know.

    Alright. Thank you so much. And it's nice to know that there are other people around my age who can help me. XD
     
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Why don't you tell her to join the forum?? We offer plenty of support and hope..She would make friends here that she might feel comfortable talking about whats causeing her to feel this way..There are plenty of us who live dailey with SI..Just a thought!!
     
  5. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    It's so lovely that you care so much about your girlfriend and want to help her so much. It doesn't seem like it, but just the fact that she can't push or scare you away with all this probably means an awful lot to her.

    To be honest, your girlfriend sounds just like I was when I was 17/18, except that I'm not bisexual. However, at that time I was struggling with my identity and who I was, what my purpose in life was, which sounds like it may be an issue for your girlfriend too.

    Unfortunately, I didn't get help, and as a result I am genuinely amazed that I am still here. However, that should give you some hope, as if I could survive the last 7 years with no support, your girlfriend has a pretty good chance as she has you, and if she can get some help things will get much better.

    I haven't managed to say quite what I wanted to say (my brain just isn't working tonight!), but I want to tell you that you're already doing the right thing, just by being there for her. Keep telling her how amazing and beautiful she is; if someone hears something often enough they begin to believe it's true. And as stranger says, see if she'd like to join this forum, as so many of us will know exactly how she's feeling and will be happy to support her (as well as you, of course!).

    Mim
     
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi. I'm sorry to hear that your girlfriend is suffering so much with her identity and going through periods of suicidal thoughts. She honestly sounds like a wonderful person and she is lucky to have a caring boyfriend like you. I also agree that you should tell her about this forum, so that she can log in here and get help when she's down. She sounds very talented, but she also sounds like she pushes herself too hard and sets unrealistic expectations of herself, which are impossible to accomplish. Give her lots of positive encouragement and reassurance. Hugs are also a good idea. :hug:
     
  7. As someone with suicidal tendencies who is getting professional help and is on medication, atleast (in America I am not sure where you are from) as long as you are over 18 your doctor CANNOT by law tell anyone, even your school or your parents that you are suicidal or on medication.
    The only time being on medication has actively hindered me from a job is when I wanted to join the army.
    I had my psychiatrist write a letter saying she is treating me for Bipolar disorder and I gave that to the dean of disability at my school. Whenever I miss class or a test because I want to die I just tell the disability lady I was sick. She then emails the professor and says it was a legitimate absence and doesnt tell them why.
    And the disability lady at my school has no idea what meds I am on, or that I am suicidal
     
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