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It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Thesunwillrise, Aug 26, 2016.

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  1. Thesunwillrise

    Thesunwillrise New Member

    Today is my birthday. I made it 27 whole years. That in itself feels like an accomplishment, especially lately. Today has been extremely hard for me. I googled "painless suicide" and got myself here.

    Now, I wouldn't do it today. I have a 7 year old daughter who's sitting in the room over. She's the only reason I haven't done it already. But she's also one of the main reasons I feel this way. There I said it. My child makes me want to die. Every day. That's the absolute first time I've ever admitted that to anyone.

    She has Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Therapists have been no help. Her school has been no help. I have no idea how to parent her. I feel like I'm failing her either way so it can only be better if she's under someone else's care right?

    My boyfriend is the least supportive person. Except when it comes to me comitting suicide. Earlier he sent me a text message with "just do it. the sun will stil rise tomorrow"


    That's what I needed to hear. That everyone would be ok if I wasn't here. And he confirmed it. The sun WILL still rise. People will move on. And really, who'd miss me anyways? I don't have any friends or family. My own therapist can't even make time to schedule me an appointment.

    It's MY party and I'll die if I want to...
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support SF Artist SF Supporter

    Hey there, welcome to the forum. I'm really sorry that it's your birthday and you feel like this. A lot of us found this forum by googling a similar inquiry(me included) I just want you to know that you're not alone, the people here have and are dealing with similar problems and feelings, so please just reach out and they will support you as best they can.
    I'm sure your boyfriends response hurt you and I don't know why he would say something like that. Probably because he doesn't understand what you're going through, emotionally. I hope things will get better for you and your daughter and please stay around, your daughter needs you and things can change very quickly, it can get better. I know that from my own journey. Take care and happy birthday my friend.
    brknsilence likes this.
  3. brknsilence

    brknsilence "Keep Moving Forward"-Meet The Robinsons movie

    So sorry you're struggling like this. Hugs

    Sorry your boyfriend isn't supportive. You need support and comfort.

    Please don't give up. There are people that do care about you.

    Welcome to SF. Glad you posted and are saying something about how you feel.

    Know we are here for you. We care about you. Please don't give up.

    Happy Birthday and I'm so glad you're here.
    Brian777 likes this.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there, I am glad you ended up here instead of some horrible website, we will help and support you there, that I can promise.
    Your boyfiend is very cruel. What right does he have to talk to you like that?? That is not a way to treat anyone, how dare he.
    We are the same age, happy birthday to you, please remember you can get better and recover from this, ignore your boyfriend, he is obviously very ignorant to depression etc.. You have your little kid to look after and raise, please bear that in mind and please seek professional help or the help of a hotline, cry all you want, it helps to get it all out. You seem like a nice person, keep talking to us here (hugs).
    brknsilence likes this.
  5. travelgal8605

    travelgal8605 New Member

    Hey TheSunWillRise, first off I want to say congratulations on pushing through the hard moments thus far, and happy birthday. It sounds like it’s been a rough journey. *hugs* Your life has value and purpose beyond what you know. Parenting is challenging, especially when there are special circumstances. Could you see about connecting with parents who kids also have ODD, maybe there is even a forum you could join. Support and community can be found in our deepest pain. You are not alone. Is there anyone who knows your daughter and how to handle her behaviors that could give you an afternoon to do something for yourself? *hugs*
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