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its my turn

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It's strange for me to ask for help so I won't. I'll just tell my story. seven years ago I was in a MVA. Lots of physical damage but it's the mental damage that haunts me to this day and everyday. I have this feeling inside my head that doesn't go away. I've been to so many doctors and have paid over $6k in bills. This pain is too much and doctors say that im fine. Everylittle thing that I think about increases this pain. Right now typing this pain has increased dramatically. I said to myself 3 years ago that if it's still there in a couple years that I would do it and I REALLY want bad. The problem is, I now have a young boy(10months). So if i do it he won't have his dad. So WTF do i do? I have only felt content 2 times in the last 7 yrs. I do not enjoy anything. I feel that I'll only be happy when I'm dead. I sometimes daydream of my GF and baby being killed in a accident so that I could do it with less guilt. I also tried bud but just made me throw up. Paxil etc, etc didn't help


If you find the answer plz let me know, I too have a dependent family who I feel most of the time would be better off without me.

I know this is not much help but just letting you know there are others out here who share similar feelings.


Try to remember those times when you were happy or content, maybe recapture the moments. Stay strong, whatever you do. Your son needs you. Things do get better, I promise. We're here to help you so feel free to type up your feelings. Take care, enuff.
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