its my turn

[hadenuff]

It's strange for me to ask for help so I won't. I'll just tell my story. seven years ago I was in a MVA. Lots of physical damage but it's the mental damage that haunts me to this day and everyday. I have this feeling inside my head that doesn't go away. I've been to so many doctors and have paid over $6k in bills. This pain is too much and doctors say that im fine. Everylittle thing that I think about increases this pain. Right now typing this pain has increased dramatically. I said to myself 3 years ago that if it's still there in a couple years that I would do it and I REALLY want bad. The problem is, I now have a young boy(10months). So if i do it he won't have his dad. So WTF do i do? I have only felt content 2 times in the last 7 yrs. I do not enjoy anything. I feel that I'll only be happy when I'm dead. I sometimes daydream of my GF and baby being killed in a accident so that I could do it with less guilt. I also tried bud but just made me throw up. Paxil etc, etc didn't help

 

[BehindClosedDoorsICry]

If you find the answer plz let me know, I too have a dependent family who I feel most of the time would be better off without me.

I know this is not much help but just letting you know there are others out here who share similar feelings.

 

[LtRoarke]

Try to remember those times when you were happy or content, maybe recapture the moments. Stay strong, whatever you do. Your son needs you. Things do get better, I promise. We're here to help you so feel free to type up your feelings. Take care, enuff.