I’m really anxious right now. I don’t know how much more I can take of this -- I’ve been feeling really bad lately and it hasn’t gotten any better the last couple of days. In fact it’s been worse, and tomorrow I have to be to work, and I don’t think I can deal. I don’t think I can handle the people right now and all the problems -- I feel like cutting and the urge isn’t going away no matter what I do. I feel horrible. And then my lovey tells me last night that if I cut he's going to be seriously pissed off at me. Ha, like that fuckin helps. He doesn't understand anything -- he acts like he does sometimes, but he really doesn't. It just makes me feel worse, it makes me feel even more guilty about it because I don't want him to be mad. I hate it when he's made at me, it makes me feel like shit, but I also feel like there nothing I can do about it. It's going to happen sooner or later if I keep feeling like crap. It’s really messed up though. I’m never good enough, anything I do is never enough. I could go months without cutting, months without hitting, or any form of self injury -- and the next time I slip up he turns it into a big catastrophe. I don’t think he will ever understand. My trying to stop is never enough. It also doesn’t help that I haven’t been able to get anymore vicodin pills this week. I’m not out yet, but my friend who normally helps me out is out of town at the moment and the only person I know who might have some isn’t returning my calls. It’s not a big deal right now but with every pill I take I know the count is getting lower and lower. Ugh … I wish I could just stop. I don’t know what to do. And to add to everything my mother’s been driving me nuts recently. It’s “Do this and do that” and she doesn’t understand that when I get off work I’m tired. I could work insane hours and on my day off I don’t get to relax and it’s pissing me off. Yet she bitches about her 3 hour job and how she’s too tired to do anything when she gets off work. It’s fucking irritating. I’m sick of my family in general at the moment. I just want to give up -- I can’t take much more of this. I don’t know what I’m going to do.