I swear I must be God's punching bag for him to shit all over or something. I haven't stopped thinking about killing myself for the past 2 weeks. I've been like this since middle school and people constantly tell me what a strong person I am, but goddammit I'm TIRED of being strong. I'm tired of getting up in the morning and not even having a reason for that anymore. I'm tired of not having a purpose in life and not being worth anything to anyone. When people tell me not to kill myself, they can't even give me a reason why not. They just give me the same vague answers of "it'll get better". They can't even tell me their own personal reasons of what they have to look forward to. It already got so bad that it's affecting my work and my bosses had to sit me down to talk twice. Then I went to the doctor and at first none of the pills helped until she referred me to a walk-in psychiatric clinic. I stayed there for two months and things were good for the first two weeks after. Then life shat all over me again with a vengeance. First my abusive ex-boyfriend sent angry e-mails to everyone at work and almost cost me my job. then he did the same to my school and I was almost suspended and I was brought before the student judiciary director. I can't even afford to go to the grocery store to buy food because I have to give one paycheck to my school and my other paycheck for rent and utilities. I literally have $1.25 to my name until January. I can't even afford to go to the store and buy rat poison to swallow. I just dont' see a point to anything anymore.