I don't know what I've ever done to deserve this, but I'm so incredibly lonely and unhappy. The worst part is, I have to hide it and pretend like everything's okay and continue on with my life as a preppy, smiley, peppy sorority girl on campus. I want more than ANYTHING to be loved and have my feelings of wanting and affection returned, but they never are, at least not for more than maybe a week or two. I don't know what I did but it always leaves me alone without any sort of explanation for why a guy's lost interest and decided to stop talking to me. I'm a virgin at age 21 and feel utterly pathetic. That's not normal in my social scene. I want so much to be like everybody else. I'm tired of being different, I just want to be wanted. And everybody says to just wait, but i'm tired of waiting. WHY do i have to wait and other girls don't, especially ones who are malicious and undeserving of the adoration they receive? It's not fair and I HATE myself and I loathe the fact that I'm a virgin. It makes everything more complicated for me and guys don't like me. Yeah, maybe they're not the best guy if they're freaked out by my virginity but I'M SO TIRED OF BEING ALONE. I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP and i'm almost out of college. i always just assumed i'd find somebody here and get married soon after college and after a few years start a family. i have NO CLUE what i want to do in life. all i want is for somebody to love me and be able to make them happy. i don't think that's a huge request. i just want to be numb from this lonely, desperate feeling. i can tell i'm getting to the point where i may start reaching into some really dark places to fulfill this need of attention. even if a boy's interested in me, he either doesn't show it or I'm not interested. It's so frustrating; I feel hopelessly trapped. I've thought about suicide so many times since I was a young child. The only reason I don't do it is because I'd hate to think of those who've rejected me in the past to think "haha, always knew she was a psycho..." or shit like that.