It's Never Me

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by dreamer11, Nov 2, 2013.

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  1. dreamer11

    dreamer11 Member

    I don't know what I've ever done to deserve this, but I'm so incredibly lonely and unhappy. The worst part is, I have to hide it and pretend like everything's okay and continue on with my life as a preppy, smiley, peppy sorority girl on campus.

    I want more than ANYTHING to be loved and have my feelings of wanting and affection returned, but they never are, at least not for more than maybe a week or two. I don't know what I did but it always leaves me alone without any sort of explanation for why a guy's lost interest and decided to stop talking to me. I'm a virgin at age 21 and feel utterly pathetic. That's not normal in my social scene. I want so much to be like everybody else. I'm tired of being different, I just want to be wanted. And everybody says to just wait, but i'm tired of waiting. WHY do i have to wait and other girls don't, especially ones who are malicious and undeserving of the adoration they receive? It's not fair and I HATE myself and I loathe the fact that I'm a virgin. It makes everything more complicated for me and guys don't like me. Yeah, maybe they're not the best guy if they're freaked out by my virginity but I'M SO TIRED OF BEING ALONE. I'VE NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP and i'm almost out of college. i always just assumed i'd find somebody here and get married soon after college and after a few years start a family. i have NO CLUE what i want to do in life. all i want is for somebody to love me and be able to make them happy. i don't think that's a huge request. i just want to be numb from this lonely, desperate feeling. i can tell i'm getting to the point where i may start reaching into some really dark places to fulfill this need of attention. even if a boy's interested in me, he either doesn't show it or I'm not interested. It's so frustrating; I feel hopelessly trapped.

    I've thought about suicide so many times since I was a young child. The only reason I don't do it is because I'd hate to think of those who've rejected me in the past to think "haha, always knew she was a psycho..." or shit like that.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you you are desperate that will show and turn people away just be yourself enjoy the activities at the college stop being so consumes with wanting a bf if you are outgoing and upbeat you will find someone
  3. matthew5

    matthew5 New Member

    Hello dreamer11,

    Just wanted to know that you're not alone in this struggle, as I struggled with the same thoughts in my life. I might be able to give some insight into your struggles.

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    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 3, 2013
  4. loneland

    loneland Member

    Hi there,

    If you hate yourself, you are ill equipped to find someone to love and be loved by. It sounds like you are in a lot of pain, if you are having frequent thoughts of self harm. See a therapist. They can help you build the stability and support you need before you can pursue a serious relationship. Friendships do not usually blossom when you are in the midst of an intense emotional struggle.

    Also, you may want to reevaluate what you perceive as "normal" in relationships. Being a virgin may be unusual in your social group, but your social group is not necessarily "normal," (meaning that they do not represent most people). Especially since you seem to be at odds with the behavior of some of the people in your group, I would question why you want to emulate that behavior. If you feel you must hide yourself in order to fit in, this is also a major block to your love life. If a stable relationship is what you're looking for, being phony will NOT work for this. It might be time to expand your social horizons. If you try hanging out with some people you normally might not consider, you may not find you are not so different, after all.

    Also consider what it is you expect of yourself and others. Who do you want to be? Who do you want to be with? If all you want is sex, then go hook up with someone and don't tell them you're a virgin. A relationship that leads to marriage is considerably more complicated than one that leads merely to sex.

    A lot of people bulk when they first think of this, but online dating is worth a shot. Many people your age do it and are often satisfied with the results.
  5. cots

    cots Well-Known Member

    I was like you at the age of 21, I was depressed about the fact that I was still a virgin and that I had never been in any relationships. I was so fixated on wanting a relationship that I gave everything to the wrong man who left me heartbroken. Now I'm more depressed than I was before. I'm sharing this because I really don't want you, or anyone, to take the path I've taken. It's not worth it. Find someone who loves and genuinely cares for you, even if it takes a much longer time, because that way you don't have to risk getting your heart broken. Anyway, college is not the only place to find someone. Like loneland suggested, you may like to try online dating. I know a few couples who met each other there. All the best to you, dreamer11.
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