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it's never over

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#1
I haven't wanted to kill myself in months, and yet tonight it's all I can think about. Does it ever end? I want to bleed out, just be dead by morning. Never have to see another sunrise, never have to deal with any more shit. I'm such a fuck up, i destroy everything good I've ever had. I always say the wrong thing and shatter any happiness I have. I should die, stop messing other people's lives up. I'm not needed. I wanna hurt myself, have a physical sign of my pain. A reminder of what a waste of space I am. I never deserve to enjoy life again. I've been given so many chances that I've messed up. Should just shut up and die...
 
#2
I know how you feel. I always feel that I mess up people's lives as well. I feel that I have had so many chances that I always mess up too. I just try to use them as a learning experience to grow for the future
 

Luliby

Staff Alumni
#4
Oh my Gosh you are so loved and needed! It must be difficult to FEEL that now but it's still true, even if you don't beleive it or feel it.

YOU ARE LOVED AND NEEDED!

I know what it's like to be going along ok and then WHAM, suddenly the desire to suicide is so strong and I wonder where did this come from. Sometimes I know the trigger and sometimes I don't. I journaled and processed through till I was tired and finally went to sleep. Was a bit better in the morning and by afternoon I was ok again.

Very scary though because I thought I was over the worst part of this depression. Sounds olike you felt things were on the up and up too and then this. Hold on though Mal. A well balanced meal, some rest, support from us! :biggrin: and maybe journaling or a walk / commune with nature. something self soothing and comforting.

I really care about you and hope and pray you hold on.

Judy
 
#5
I can't really say anything except you *are* needer...you're not a screw up at all, or a waste of space...
I hope you're feeling a bit better by the time you read this...
:hug: :hug: :hug:
 
#6
(((((Mal))))). You are so needed, wanted and loved. You are NOT a screw up. Don't let these feelings win. I really dislike when I feel like things are going along as they should be and the depression rears its ugly head in full force. You have had some hard things to deal with as of late. Maybe this has something to do with those feelings of inadequacy. Shove them away. They are not true.Lean on your friends and let us try to help you get through. I am here if you need a shoulder. PM me, I will listen. :hug: :grouphug: :rose:
 
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