It's no point in trying to be hopeful (may be triggering)

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sadhart, Jul 11, 2015.

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  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    It's funny...I dare myself sometimes to feel a little hopeful about my life. I start to think that it's okay to feel a little happy and then reality hits me. As I continue living a life of sobriety and I continue to work a steady job and feel a little less bleak about my existence, I realize that it's all pretty much I vain. So what about my one year of sobriety....I have seen people who have had a better understanding of recovery than I have and they relapsed. And my "steady job" is working at a bloody mayonnaise factory through a temp service. I'm 33 and aside from having no wife and kids I can't even manage to have a real career like most normal people in society.

    Then there's my past....there is so much hurt and I cannot ignore it all. I cannot let go of the things like being called names ad being bullied and all the painful rejections. I know this all sounds like me being a victim but I don't know what else to really say or do. Someone said that I can choose to dwell in this stuff or let go....how?! I have said this before, but my feelings are not a freakin light switch that I can just turn off. My life just feels really worthless and pointless. I stay at a recovery house and I decided to go visit my family overnight. I'm starting to have anxieties with going, but there are some things I have to take care of so it's kind of important to do this. But I just wish I didn't feel so hopeless. I'm sorry for rambling like this again.

    Oh...and the toilet in my apartment is clogged. As "house senior" of the apartment, I can't help but feel responsible for yet another mess.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Little steps sadhart ok you are working you have conquered your addiciton to alcohol for one year that is such a great accomplishment you are giving yourself hope ok
    Work is Work these days many do not have a job so you are working and keeping your mind busy doing so and off the past where you were harmed. I know it is hard to let go of that pain it is but you have to look at the positives that are happening even if they are small to you they are indeed huge steps hugs
     
  3. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    iknow that you are right,but it is just so hard to forget everything that has happened. i just hope that things don't get worse though, but that may be expecting too much.
     
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