I really don't give a damn anymore. I can’t focus anywhere. It’s causing me to fall behind on work, and will probably end in my being fired. At home I just stare at the walls and wait for sleep to come. There’s no pleasure, joy, or even basic satisfaction in anything. I’ve been on various meds for years. All they do it blunt the feelings slightly, and eventually stop working. I’m barely eating because I hate food. All of my “friends” and “family” have stopped calling. People only talk to me when they want something from me. For anyone who would tell me, “It does get better. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary blah blah blah blah….” Save your breath. There’s nothing temporary about this. Just look around. The world is a festering, unredeemable, hopeless shithole, and I can’t deal with it anymore. I’m only posting this because I don’t want to start screaming at the top of my lungs in the middle of this office and add more humiliation on top of everything else. I’ve been told before that “Life is for the living.” I agree. I’m just a dead man walking around, looking for an appropriate hole in the ground.