It's not a question of "If", but of "When" and "How"

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Soon, Jul 3, 2013.

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  1. Soon

    Soon Member

    I really don't give a damn anymore. I can’t focus anywhere. It’s causing me to fall behind on work, and will probably end in my being fired. At home I just stare at the walls and wait for sleep to come. There’s no pleasure, joy, or even basic satisfaction in anything. I’ve been on various meds for years. All they do it blunt the feelings slightly, and eventually stop working. I’m barely eating because I hate food. All of my “friends” and “family” have stopped calling. People only talk to me when they want something from me.

    For anyone who would tell me, “It does get better. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary blah blah blah blah….” Save your breath. There’s nothing temporary about this. Just look around. The world is a festering, unredeemable, hopeless shithole, and I can’t deal with it anymore. I’m only posting this because I don’t want to start screaming at the top of my lungs in the middle of this office and add more humiliation on top of everything else. I’ve been told before that “Life is for the living.” I agree. I’m just a dead man walking around, looking for an appropriate hole in the ground.
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Sorry for the situation that leaves you feeling so angry and down.
  3. Soon

    Soon Member

    The situation is called life. Other people seem fine carrying on living. I'm not.
  4. KevMit

    KevMit New Member

    Interesting observation about the world!
    Mostly, you are correct.
    Isn't it possible that you CAN deal with it, but you just don't know how?
  5. DarkKnight09

    DarkKnight09 Member

    I'm right there with you is gotten to the point that all my mind thinks about is ways to die I look around the room Im in and wonder what would happen if I tried this or did that the only reason I'm still here now is cause I don't wanna do it wrong again I need that fool proof method but I know I'm already dead I'm just stuck in this hell hole pretending I'm ok . Those who say it gets better or just try a new med or whatever bullshit they can think of just don't get it when yu hit rock bottom you know there's no where else to go and nothing else to do . Your life is over .
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am sorry you are feeling this way. It is a very dark place to be in, I have been there...but with meds and therapy I have got better so please hold onto hope. I have been at rock bottom, ended up in ICU on a life support machine, I am living proof that its not bullshit, it really can get better. You need a supportive environment around you and a support care team whether its a doctor or nurse, just someone that helps.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 3, 2013
  7. KevMit

    KevMit New Member

    There is an alternative, if you are willing to shutdown a part of your concience (that little voice in your head that stands between you and being happy) and start being a little more selfish!

    It's true... things do not get better, meds do not make it better and most psychs will only try to put you back in the same position you were in when all of the sh*t started... just so you can go through it all over again!

    Sitting around waiting for something to come along to it all better, will make you sit and wait forever... what you have to do, is TAKE it, before someone else takes it from under your nose!
    Will that make other people angry... offcourse! There is always someone that you will piss-off in this life. You can't keep living up to other people's expectations at the cost of your own sanity and health!
    The way i see it... you can't bake yourself an omelet, without breaking a few eggs in the process!
  8. Soon

    Soon Member

    Keep the eggs. Haven't been eating anyway.
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